Waiting Poem by Claudia Krizay

Some moments it feels like a lifetime
I have been waiting
For this rage, suspicion and mistrust of others
To take flight and disappear for an eternity-
Never to return, and vanish in the wind while
I find the courage to step outside my front door?
Danger is lurking, I can almost envision as
I am sitting still, gazing out of my bedroom window, or
As I listen to the threatening voices that only I can hear-
It is early autumn and the foliage is golden, red and brown,
The air is cool as a gentle breeze is blowing the leaves about-
To be walking outside would be a blessing indeed-
To be free from intruding strangers who wish me harm-
Half a century seems like a lifetime as I close my eyes
And look backward inside the fortress of my mind-
I have always been the victim, always been afraid-
Fearful of everybody who walks behind me or as I am
Terrorized by approaching strangers-
I am trapped inside of a vault, from which there is no exit,
My mind is a cage inside of which trepidation reigns-
Was it God’s will for me to be born with a mind that trusts nobody-?
Every night I pray in desperation for God to unlock the door
Towards a space of sanity to a lock which I cannot find the key alone-
I have always loved nature, especially trees, and the mountains on the horizon
That I can see from my window, and perhaps even a rainbow-
The sun shall rise and set every day and the moon at times
Is full in the darkness of the night- but I see no light to guide me
Through that pathway towards freedom from the anguish
That has colored my world with darkness-
If a God exists, as so many believe, why does he not cut the rope that binds me?
Uncertainty baffles my troubled mind day and night but I shall always pray,
As perhaps some faith will someday unlock the door to the madness that contains me-
The sun shall always rise and set and I shall keep on waiting-perhaps
One day I shall find hope beyond that magical rainbow that could appear,
Even though I have never seen a rainbow on the horizon,
There is always hope, it has been said, in what we do not know.