What Am I Doing? Poem by Dislocated Heart

I Never thought you'd be the one to break my heart
Never thought all that could of been disappeared.
I never thought for a second, another guy could walk in your life one day and sweep you away the next
I guess my insecurities never should of left, when you reassured me that day 'everything is perfect ' and just the way you've been hoping love would be.

So girl, I'm on the sidelines, asking you
How that changed your mind?
For once, I left my heart on the line.
I saw you cut me up with a knife.
I saw the gloves come off as you said your last good bye.
While you left those memories behind.
with your hands clasping his.
as he kisses your cheek and I'm falling on my knees
with laughing gas in the air
I chuckle in disbelief
Maybe we were never meant to be

As you smile your days away
I murder myself with thoughts bickering at my heart,
drinking what numbs me for a brief second.. repressing those memories that haunt me in the night
Doing what gets me high, with no care in my mind

now I stare into the mirror 'What am I doing to myself? '