Cathleen Hodgkinson

New England, USA
Cathleen Hodgkinson
New England, USA

What I Didn'T Ask For

Rating: 3.7
I didn't ask for that pristine wedding gown,
that carefree honeymoon.
For my fairy tale was just a gold ring.
I didn't ask for the ridicule, belittlement,
your cold, icey, disapproving stares of disgust.

I didn't ask to be the owner of your unhappiness.
Your claims that I diminshed your quality of life.

I didn't ask to overhear the words you said to our little one
as your ex-wife drove away....'that lady used to love me'.

I didn't ask for little by little, for you to dismantle
my already broken soul.
For you gave me love only under condition.

Was I so disappointing?
Was I so undeserving?
I tried, tried, tried so hard.
For I never knew I was so destructive.

Someday you'll get what you didn't ask for.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Rajnish Manga 03 October 2015
The poem written by Cathleen and the well meaning comments by John Richter make it amply clear that both of them are intellectually gifted people. They have expressed themselves in a dignified manner. We can neither be a judge nor a jury.
1 0 Reply
Kim Barney 02 October 2015
My heart goes out to you, Cathleen, and to John Richter, who left the great comment below. I certainly feel blessed to have been married to the same woman for almost 49 years now. Great poem, and I especially loved the simple, one-line ending. Fantastic!
1 0 Reply
John Richter 02 October 2015
This is poem is incredibly powerful.... I love it! With that said, though..... If I didn't know better than I would say this was written by my ex-wife.... And though it depicts a horrible, terrible husband I would say this: my ex-wife is crazy. Trying to interpret what someone else is thinking based on how they 'look' - or how one interprets how they look - is seldom accurate and often imbued with the viewers own inadequacies and feelings of unworthiness. How does one interpret stares of disgust? If I hadn't spent 27 years being tortured by constant accusations and insults based on such feelings than I might think this poem has very great points. Although I still think it is an incredibly powerful poem and enjoyed it immensely...I'm just saying there are two sides to every story. FYI - before leaving - my ex-wife told all our neighbors that I had a girlfriend and that we were plotting to kill her. I didn't have a girlfriend - but that doesn't matter. My wife merely suspected that I did based on how I looked or acted, in her opinion, and she wanted the neighbors to keep a sharp lookout for any women coming to our house when she was not at home in order to prove her suspicions correct. Which was far more important to her treating me with respect.
1 0 Reply
Rajnish Manga 02 October 2015
Despite all the torture and suffering, the poet has portrayed with grace a painful relationship between a man and a woman from the point of view of the lady who has been shorn of her decorum, dreams and dignity at the hands of her rascal husband. Poignant but a great piece of poetry. I didn't ask to be the owner of your unhappiness. Your claims that I diminshed your quality of life.
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premji premji 16 November 2008
cathy, beautiful poem please read 'alone' by catherine rica cossico. both compliment 10+++++
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Linda Weischedel 05 October 2008
2 thumbs up on this poem! !
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Kesav Easwaran 17 September 2008
love is divine only when it is unconditional...every soul longing...but where to find? it would always be peaceful to mind if we learn to live with a rueful grin inside... for marriage is the biggest compromise in life...a poem honest serious and beautiful...a ten for this, Cathy...
2 0 Reply
Dr.subhendu Kar 14 September 2008
wonderful exposition of desire within as when one sways against strong winds yet rocked up by the reeks of time the soul refuses to hear the tainted swings.........great write by the life with ingenious imagery, heart when slogged or clogged by the claws of the rueful uncertainties, mind never revels,10-+, thanks for sharing
1 0 Reply
James B. Earley 22 April 2008
A pained story, passionately expressed!
1 0 Reply
Rani Turton 25 March 2008
Of course you were not disappointing or undeserving, but one managed to make you feel so. And you had the courage to write down all these feelings in a poem. Bravo!
1 0 Reply

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