Simon Gowen Poems

I was chatting with a friend today
I think you’ll find it funny
He’s Just won Thirty Thousand Pounds
Now Jack Pott’s in the money!
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I've met a kinky lady,
I can't reveal her name.
But she has introduced me to,
The chocolate ice cream game.
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I love to wear my nightie
Its silky and it’s sheer
If you come round now I’ll wear it
While I’m pouring you a beer
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I need to ask a question
While I'm sitting here alone
Why on earth did someone name
The elbow, Funny Bone?
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I've just received a phone call from a man in Bangladesh
Tryin' to sell me stuff I didn't need.
So I rustled up some swear words that I thought that he would know,
In a vain attempt to make his ears bleed!
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The lonely man knows lonely like no other
The lonely man greets solitude each day
The lonely man just wants to be a brother
So someone else can hear him when he says
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There’s nothing more inviting
Than my brand new pair of slippers
Unless someone invents me
Some furry lining knickers.
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The doc said I've a sweet tooth
Though he couldn't say which one
To try and help resolve this
I'll have to eat a scone
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Now before you go and find one,
I’ve written you a guide
On what goes on with men these days
So keep this by your side.
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I’m a feisty little red head.
I’m a mother and a wife.
I am clever and outrageous
I lead an interesting life.
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