0021 Santa Claus Franchises Inc: A Public Statement Poem by Michael Shepherd

We the undersigned have been requested
to issue the following statement on behalf of
Santa Claus Franchises Inc in the light of
recent serious allegations:

SCI as an international organisation
takes its responsibilities to the public
extremely seriously, while at all times
being sensitive to contemporary issues.

SCI defends itself vigorously
from suggestions that it projects an image
of extra-terrestrial benevolence
which may lead to later
adverse effects of trauma, mental and physical
ill-health, etc. All SCI Franchise Outlets have an
authorised notice that ‘parental discrimination
should be exercised at all times’.

There are no similarities to the tobacco industry
to be drawn in this respect.

SCI will therefore contest vigorously
all lawsuits for breach of agreement
and failure to deliver goods as promised.

SCI thus points out that the phrase,
‘And what would you like for Christmas,
young man/lady? ’ does not constitute
a legal promise to deliver goods as defined by law.
This applies also to our website and email facility,
and to telephone calls, which are at premium rate.

SCI affirms that lap-dandling and possibly interpreted
inappropriate touching is now
forbidden in all SCI Franchise outlets.
All our staff have had a criminal record check.
Please confirm that you are attending
an official SCI Franchise Outlet

SCI defends itself vigorously against
accusations of ageism, racism,
colour preference, religious affiliation,
and the suggestion that it is a paradigm
for white colonialism. SCI points out that
Single-Image Branding is an internationally accepted
form of consumerism. We are however looking into
alterations in our franchised brand-image in certain
global cultural areas where, for instance,
bounty is traditionally associated with matriarchy.
The Disney Organisation is assisting us in this.

SCI further points out that it repudiates
accusations of pandering to consumerism and commercialism,
(while these are indeed essential to a healthy economy)
and points out that it is at all times sensitive to
changing public requirements.
SCI seeks only to serve its public and maintain
the high standards of its founder.

SCI vigorously defends itself against the
accusation of ‘passing-off’ – trading on
a deliberate confusion with the image of
God The Father. This is made quite clear
on the officially authorised form to be
stuffed up the chimney or ventilation duct.

SCI has no face-veil policy. However,
metal detectors may be used at certain outlets.

SCI wishes all its participants seasonal cheer
and a prosperous trading year.
SCI affirms its mission statement:
‘Yule Be Grateful, Ho Ho Ho’…


[Published at the request of SCI Franchises Inc.]