John Knight

Rookie (8 September 1933 / Liverpool - UK)

1007 Father Christmas - Christmas Father - Poem by John Knight

When I was very young
I really believed in Father Christmas
The whole package - Reindeers - Santa Claus
The Christmas Elves - Gobal distribtion etc.
I made a 'Christmas Present List' and mailed it
faithfully each year to: Mr S Claus - North Pole
I left mince pies - sherry and nine carrots
Sure enough they had all been eaten
By Dasher - Dancer - Prancer - Vixen - Comet
Cupid - Donner - Blitzen and of course Rudolph.
And all the presents on my list were there.
My parents explained that the Father Christmas
In the CO-OP was just a local representative.
It all seemed so logical and so plausible.

When I was ten - I went to Grammar School.
We started to study Physics - always a mistake
I applied the Laws of Physics to Christmas.
Aerodynamics taught me that a sleigh
Loaded with presents and a 260 pound Santa
Pulled by nine reindeers was very very...
Unlikely to have lift off even on a day
With a gale force following wind.
There was also the questions of the
Restrictions of girth and friction on Santa
Negotiating even one chimney on Chrstmas Eve.
MyTime & Motion study also ruled out the feasiblity
Of delivery to over one billion homes in 24 hours!

My time as a Christmas Agnostic lasted 17 years
Then my daughter Sharon arrived and I was a Real Father.
Then on 24 December 1960 - I was a 'Real' Father Christmas.
I did not try to negotiate the chimney - but I did
Look the part - White beard - Red suit - Santa hat.
She was only nine months old at Christmas
But I did not want her to see her Daddy - in his
Pyjamas filling the pillow case - at the end of her bed
(Socks were out in 1960) - With everything on her list.
She didn't acctually write the list - but dictated it
To her Mother who was also dressed up - as a Fairy.
My stint as a 'Real' Father Christmas lasted nearly 30 years
'Til the last of my fledglings flew the nest in 1999.
When I 'played' Father Christmas at my Son's School
He said 'Daddy Father Christmas had hands just like yours! '

My 30 year stint as 'Father Christmas in Residence' was over
And the responsibilty of maintaining the myth with my........
Eight Grandchildren lies with my Children - not with me.
There is a problem however that effects all Englishmen.
Once we retire at 65 - in my case nineteen-ninety-nine
We metamorphise - by a series of not so slow transitions.
1. The hair turns grey and then snowy white
2. There is no incentive to shave - so we grow a white beard
3. We become more rotund in the tummy area
4. We spend a lot of time pottering in the garden in wellies
5. We wear a red wooly hat with a white bobble
6. We wear the wife's old red winter coat to keep warm.
From a distance - the perfect Father Christmas!

Because of this transformation we are soon in demand
The Local School and the ubiquitous Church Christmas Fete.
The news spreads - Have you seen John Knight
He's a dead ringer for Father Christ mas - He looked wonderful
with his Elves at the Supermarket Precinct on Saturday.
This is my worst nightmare - This is no longer pretend
I really am 'The Definitive Father Christmas' - From July
Through to March in the next year - and all for Charity.
In reality I quite enjoyed it - Until in October I heard my Wife
Discussing my Funeral wih her friend Patsy! ! ! 'I've been....
to the Undertakers and they have given me a decent price'.
'For a white coffin - on a sleigh shaped hearse - pulled by nine....'
'Not reindeers' Patsy gasped - 'I just don't believe it! '
'Yes they have contacted Colchester Zoo - and it's OK'.
'Oh Gosh' sceamed Patsy 'I hope he dies in December! ! ! ! ! '

(John Knight - Colchester - December 2009)


Comments about 1007 Father Christmas - Christmas Father by John Knight

  • (12/19/2009 6:55:00 AM)


    What a sweet story! You painted such vivid pictures in my mind as I read along. Thank-you! (Report) Reply

    0 person liked.
    0 person did not like.
  • (12/14/2009 11:31:00 AM)


    Indeed a punetry [pun + poetry] …

    Amazed by your boiling beguiling bowling with slower bouncer googly or ace service in tournament point…

    I’m becoming from pie [soprano] to penta [baritone]….snowball …and in love and envious [natural for xx LOL! ] to your agile cerebrality….celebration cheers..

    Ten for punetry with high decibel laughter…
    Ms. Nivedita
    UK
    (Report) Reply

  • (12/14/2009 6:45:00 AM)


    What a lovely story John

    Ruthie
    (Report) Reply

  • Meggie Gultiano (12/14/2009 6:08:00 AM)


    Enjoyed reading this, John..wonderful (Report) Reply

  • (12/14/2009 5:22:00 AM)


    The myth shall continue to reign & none shall dispel,
    The belief in a true good heart that wipes a tear and all ache quells,
    You have captured the myth so well,
    You have gifted the package with a bell,
    That rings up the road where pretty kids dwell,
    Sweeping down, to another tiring year it strikes the death knell.

    Sad-your theory of Aerodynamics,
    Brought it all down to earth,
    Each time one looks expectant up a chimney,
    The legend of Santa shall take birth.

    As long as true Christians exist & imaginations run riot,
    Santa shall bring gifts, to all the forlorn and lost,
    There will always be a good-hearted Santa to pass on the event,
    But none can render this Santa redundant.

    Do check out my latest posts- ' Why love? '
    ---What is this between You & me?
    -----TILL YOU COME>
    (Report) Reply

  • (12/13/2009 10:39:00 PM)


    Yes, on a television show the other day, they said that only the female reindeer had horns in cold weather; thus confirming that the names of Santa's reindeer might
    need definitive changes made as to consideration if gender.
    (Report) Reply

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Poem Submitted: Sunday, December 13, 2009

Poem Edited: Sunday, December 13, 2009


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