A Florida Man Poem by Jim Yerman

Sad to admit I'm a Florida man…a Florida man with the blues
because I'm tired of the way a Florida man is depicted on the news.

A Florida man attacks his girlfriend with a banana…
But that's not the oddest story you'll hear…
because another Florida man called 911…every time he ran out of beer.

A Florida man beat up an ATM…how strange, how odd…how brash.
The reason: he was angry when that ATM spit out too much cash.

A Florida man demolished a liquor store…took out the whole distiller…
and when the police arrived to arrest him…he blamed it on a caterpillar!

I don't watch the news anymore…I'd rather digest an entire bottle of bran
because invariably there is a story that begins with the words:
A Florida man.

So for a change of pace and to alleviate our embarrassment and our shame
I offer you some news that shows all Florida men aren't the same.

A Florida man wakes up every day next to his wife of 32 years
with whom he's shared his joy, his sorrow…his laughter and his tears.

A Florida man has three grown children who have happily found their way
He even spoke to all of of those children on the phone…the other day.

A Florida man has four grandchildren…
who at one time thought his magic skills deft…
And even though they know most of his tricks…still think he as some magic left.

A Florida man has friends… and family and the more his life proceeds
The more this Florida man realizes…he has everything he needs.

It may not be as sensational…it's not filled with bananas or caterpillars or beer
but speaking as a Florida man…it's the kind of news we'd love to hear.