Alone Poem by Eila Mahima Jaipaul

I am agitated, I reach out and recoil at what I feel. My soul tortured, my spirit in unrest. I am not at peace in my skin.

Anger and sadness mingle like lovers.
What are you doing to me?

I bristle at thoughts of you, yet I can not breathe. There is a heavy weight on me, pushing me. I can not relax and lash out at the smallest inconvenience. Aggravated by any movement in my space.
What are you doing to me!

I can not hide, and there is no where to run for shelter. You are not here to help me, my will can not bring you to me. My thoughts can not make you come. I am discarded and reckless. Desperate... I can't stand it any longer. I can't stand this feeling. I know not whether to cry or to scream, or both. I am so frustrated.
What have you done to me?

My heart aches for you
My body cries out for you
My being craves you.

And yet I get nothing. Blank, empty space. Void of you, void of love, void of desire, there is no sensation now. No compassion, not even empathy.
It makes me numb

I broadcast but it is all returned to me. To mock me, to laugh at me. My aura is dulled. Withering, pitiful colors fill my world. Inescapable they follow me like lost souls.

I needed you.
And you were gone.

I have to return to my friend, my companion, my love, my constant. The one who is always here for me.

In your heart you knew that I would. You also knew that I would be okay in the end.
You sensed it.

Beaten at my own game, I have never felt so naive and foolish.
I am tired. Emotionally spent and just as you found me.

Alone.