Assholes Poem by Herbert Nehrlich

All human beings have a hole
that carries out a special role.
It sends the end results of food
which starts its life by being chewed
and travels through the body then
(a smidgen more in hungry men)
into an even bigger hole
where it falls down, its final goal
is council sewers, and the ocean.
Well, daily there are many motions
about a zillion on this earth
the practice starts right after birth.
I do not mean to waste your time
to walk you through digestive slime
and enzymes, bile and H C L
suffice it now that I do tell
you only of the end result
which really borders on occult.
When nothing more can be extracted
and, lest there be some stuff impacted
the little door just opens wide
and out comes cellulose and pride.
Now, one more thing needs to be mentioned
so that you'll know I'm well-intentioned
some holes are bigger than are others
this is discovered first by mothers.
In later life this does not change
and thus the world boasts of a range
of various sizes, different shapes
a bit like those of bigger apes.
What is amazing is that once
a back door resident near buns
has been identified as large
you can assume that, say a sarge
in military garb possesses
a big one, and that small comtesses
would have a cutie of a nipple
which barely shows the slightest ripple
when things get urgent and want out
and since there is no other route.....
well, it is clear that we're conversing
about physiology, rehearsing
a bit of what you need to know
so I can say I told you so.
In closing let me add that size
makes all the diff, it's no surprise
that assholes can be large or small
and that, my brethren, that is all.