Butterfly Kisses And Suicide Notes (The 2nd) Poem by Heart of Ice Die Die Die

I sat down next to her body
and took a deep breath of the sweet sunny air.
I could smell the the grass underneath us
and the sweet flowery smell in the air from the sunflowers in the garden.
But underneath that,
I could smell her.
Her blood and her tears and her sorrow.
I picked up the small, neatly folded note and began to read
her sad, sad story.
She told of her pain
and her hidinng all through these years.
About how she always hid
the real her.
How she could never open up,
for fear of discovery.
Going blind with the pain
and slowly gaining sight with practice.
People always left her,
abandoned her.
Even when they said they'd be there for her.
She told of how they abused her
and forgot about her.
And all the tears she cried.
She starved for food and water
but she never had the will to eat.
All the names and jibes that had been thrown at her,
the cusses and punches.
Bruises covered her sometimes.
She was drowning in her own personal sea of depression.
Sometimes it was so deep
and the water so paralyzingly cold
that it pulled her under.
And her legs never seemed to recover from the scarring that ensued.
She called for help,
screamed for it.
But they left her in the frozen waters
to fend for herself.
But yet,
they asked for her help and guidance.
And she always gave it.
She wrote about how sorry she was.
How she didn't want to leave us.
Then she told about a dream.
A dream she had where a man came to her
and told her how her how her life would go wrong next.
And the only way to stop it
was her death.
But she didn't tell us what would happen.
She didn't belive him.
She wouldn't leave us.
But she didn't wake up.
She woke up a week later
to find that she had continued going in a trance like state.
And that the man had told the truth.
I thought back.
Her brother was in the hospital.
And he wasn't going to make it.
And shortly after that she had been kidnapped.
And when she came back
she crawled to the doorstep bruised, bleeding, and broken.
She told the story of how she was raped night and day.
Sometimes four times a night.
For hours straight.
And when she didn't do what they said
they beat her until she blacked out.
But what finally made her do it was
her dream.
She saw a grave.
The grave had her brother's name on it.
She told next about how she was sorry
and please forgive her.
She never wanted to leave.
She would have kept going.
And to never be afraid to ask for help.
That is, if they forgave her.
Then I heard that echo.
Turn around and look at me.
When I did, there she was standing before me.
She was enveloped in sunlight that was not of this world.
And butterflies surrounded her and flitted about.
Then she came forward and hugged me.
She smelled like she used to.
But she also smelled like sunlight and honey and beauty.
Her voice rang out in a shimmery echo,
it was like I could almost see her words.
Never forget me, I'll always help you.
I'm here, even when I'm not.
Then she vanished.
But I could still sense her presence.
She would always be there.
I felt it deep down in my heart, and I would always smell
the sweet sunny golden honey smell of her.
Then I turned back to her body to see it covered
in beautiful, colorful butterflies.
All kissing her good-bye.
Or was it hello?

Dec.-30-09
Thanks for reading.