By My Side Poem by Randy McClave

If I had girlfriend I wouldn't be so thin
At supper time I'd always be wearing a happy grin,
Then I would always eat upon a fancy plate
Instead in line at McDonalds where I'd wait.
Glorious feeding times ahead of me I could see,
Having a woman, to cook just for me.

If I had a girlfriend my house would always be clean
It would be the most immaculate house anyone ever seen,
Daily she would pump herself up with caffeine
Then she would mop and sweep which is imbedded in every woman's gene.
My house because of her would always be spic and span,
So, happy would be this filthy man.

If I had a girlfriend she would always wash my clothes
She also would do the dishes early in the morning before I arose,
Doing the laundry she would never worry about or oppose
Even if she had to breathe through her mouth, and not her nose.
Then she'd probably would want to always bathe my dog,
While on the couch, I'd be sleeping like a log.

If I had a girlfriend I would always stay warm at night
We would be snuggling together for my pleasure and delight,
Her pleasing me is always in my foresight
She would always do her best to please and excite.
But, when it's her time of month I will sleep alone on the bed,
While she can sleep on the couch or at her home instead.

But, if I had a girlfriend she would tell me what to eat
And who I could or couldn't go out with or who I could meet,
She, would also tell me how to spend my hard earned money
While all the time freezing me cold while calling me honey.
Then ultimately she would want to be my bride;
I now don't think that I need a girlfriend at my side.

Randy L. McClave