Sorry Poems: 225 / 500

Crowded Bus

'Sorry if I offend.' she said quietly.
'Offend? ' I asked quizzically.
'Your sensitivities, ' she replied.
We were strap-hanging in a
crowded bus on a very hot day.

Her slim tanned arms merged
into damp unshaven pits.
'I never use deodorants, and my
olfactory offends some people.'

'Doesn't offend me, ' I said.
'In fact I rather like that funky
woman smell.'

'Really? ' she smiled.
'Yes, really, ' I confirmed.
Ours was the next stop.

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COMMENTS OF THE POEM
R H 11 April 2007

A wonderful 'slice of life' moment - you've captured this brief exchange between two people and revealed much in very few words - dialogue, description and narrative all in 15 lines - clever stuff Jerry! Justine

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Craig Anderson 18 December 2009

Brilliant Jerry as always. Like Karin said I could actually start to smell soemthing...lol Nice one mate keep em up. Going for a shower now i think. Best Regards Jerry mate. Craig.

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Melissa Coventry 13 October 2007

Politeness! ! ! Try find that on a public bus in the dead of Aussie summer... or on a crammed London tube! ! .. It exists.. but in small amounts... I dearly hope this was inspired by a real event of a woman that knows what she likes and what others don't.. gives me hope for packed public transport.. Wonderfully written, comical and provoking, greatly enjoyed :) take care, Mel xx

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Sue Ann Simar 25 September 2007

Aren't you from 'down under' where that rock group sang the song with the lyric, 'You make me sweat'? (Laughing)

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Very funny provocative piece of poetry Jerry! Very thought provoking and just full of imagery! LOL....I am sure you put a smile on everyones face reading this mostly cuz you don't expect the outcome or the poem to go that way for that matter... Great job Jerry.I look forward to reading more of your work soon...and I pray I never have the same experience on a bus...((Smile)) too funny. Keep up the great work................ =Shelley=

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Alison Cassidy 12 April 2007

I love this piece - and the unshaven armpits and the pheromones flying and the hinted at sexual conclusion. Not a word wasted. love, Allie xxxx

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