'Despair Of My Dreams' Poem by ajith patnaik
'Despair Of My Dreams'
I see u everyday in my dream,
'lost' in the shallowy depths of imagination.
i try my best not too scream,
as my heart had known nothin but elation.
i see u taking shade under a tree,
am not sure whether the drops comin out are your tears.
and i wish the one you were waiting for was me,
so that i can come and throw away your fears.
i wish i could come and stand by your side,
and make sure that you will never cry.
not taking care whether i am swept by any tide,
and makin sure that am always there to standing by.
am staring at the moon in the sky so blue,
am feeling that cold mist blowing on my face.
i wish the one next to me was you
right now and right here at this place
i want us to jump and soar the sky,
hand in hand watching the stars go by.
then i want to gift u that big fat moon,
not caring even if its a dumb stupid noon.
my love for u is like a chest made of gold,
i see your eyes ah! they're so bold.
when i think of you my heart's so cold.
these feelings i think i cant fold
i sometimes wish that i could feel your hand,
and before i realise they slip off like sand.
my dreams revolve around a person no matter what i do,
oh my love! that person is you.
this feeling i have never throws me down,
i have lost a heart that was never found.
long back i knew you as a good friend,
i knew you since i dont know when.
i sometimes find words hard to find,
thats probably because you are always on my mind
i think of you each and everyday,
i dont know why we are so far away.
thats probably why i hate god so much,
now you're someone i cant even touch.
the only thing i request you is to wait
i'll come and lift you before its too late
so what i say is when i dream,
i almost see you everywhere.
but when i wake up i often scream,
as i see you nowhere there.
(dedicated to all the people there who have their loved ones far away)
that's really a nice poem............ having ur lover far away does hurt! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !
Beautifully written my friend... You know by default, how to give words to your emotions... Keep writing... Thanks for sharing...
Expressive words..full of strong emotions... Very beautiful..and creative.. Great write!
You have certainly poured your heart out in this passionate poem about yearning and despair, but I think the poem is much too repetitive. You say the same thing (almost) in every stanza and I think you could cull at least 50% and make the poem stronger and more readable. The hardest thing a poet can do is cut words, particularly when those words matter, but, just as the gardener must prune the tree in order to grow the finest fruit, so the poet needs to cut unnecessary words in order for those that remain to have space to breath. Notwithstanding this criticism, there are some lovely images in your poem and a feeling for phrasing that is very fine. Love, Allie ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
wonderfully written every word reminded me of at least one person who i've lost or who is far away from me loved it 10 from me
Touched my heart, very nice poem, close to my life.10..I'll be reading more of yours soon.
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
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4/24/2024 8:05:33 AM # 1.0.0.1119
another impressive one! however, i do have an issue about the rhyming...i would advise that if u go with a-b-a-b then it's better to stick to it cos different sets of rhyming may make the entire poem sounded a lil' messy...and about the slang...like 'nothin'..try to advoid them in poetry unless u put 'open inverted commas' or it's bout a conversation..so try to avoid that..but overall, i found ur poem very well structured except for the rhymes...other than that, this is a fantastic piece for ur age...the emotions are well narrated..well done!