Drowning (1/10/10) Poem by Kayleigh ....

Drowning (1/10/10)

Rating: 4.8


Heart as dark as a lifeless night sky
Or a black sea, silent and still
And in this night sky she is falling
And in this black sea she is drowning

She pleads and she begs
Arms outreached for safety
Or flailing in desperate hope
While She gasps for her last breath of air

No one is at her rescue
Her cries go unheard
He pleas go unheeded

A faint star shines in an otherwise lifeless sky
Above a black sea that is silent and still

COMMENTS OF THE POEM
Empath In Flames 12 January 2010

A very smart piece, well portrayed

1 0 Reply
Gomer Lepoet 11 January 2010

Kayleigh, I'm not sure why you would ask me to evaluate your poems. I am at best an amature myself. The only thing that I try to do, and this is because I am a musician, is to maintain a rhythm of the lyric. I imagine a beat in the background while I recite the poem to myself, and make changes that fit the beat. I'm not saying this is the right way or the wrong way, but this is my way. I try to have something to say that is thoughtful, entertaining, and has a rhythm. I would like you to read my poems 'fine things' or 'Famous Lines'. Keep writing....

0 1 Reply

A very sad but very interesting piece. Thanks for sharing.

1 0 Reply
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