Feel Guilty & By The Way & Fighting Nothingness Poem by Margaret Alice

Confessions of a Crocodile

I Feel Guilty

Entered the time of hibernation again,
sitting quietly, watching Wimbledon, for
me life is reading, thinking and reporting
my ideas, when I start watching sport on
TV, it spells absence of life

For the past weeks, with school holidays,
I fell off my diet regimen, ate pies from
supermarkets on a daily basis, leading to
food intolerance flaming up again, the old
brain is going, can’t think any more

I suppose without intolerance and allergy,
I would have been a normal person, quietly
content to breathe and live and be, I would
have made a fine cook and housewife,
taking care of the kids

Now I spend my life on a tightrope, balancing
between foodstuffs, symptoms & imbalances
in thinking and feeling and being, hubby
dubbed me the “Alien” when he got to
know me, for all the fevers and other

Weird symptoms, after a useless round with
dieticians, he undertook to provide food that
would help me live almost a normal life; but
on finding that pain only goes if I starve, he
allowed leeway for eating and suffering

It brings the bonus of energy, dealing with
pain as best I can; it forces me to question
the meaning of life all the time, and repent
of any sins as soon as I commit them – it
is so unfair – I feel guilty all the time!


By The Way, The Boks Won Yesterday

By the way, did I mention the Springboks triumphed over
the All Blacks yesterday – Saturday 12 July 2008? Maybe
you missed it, it seems so unimportant when you are not a
South African, and to a being from New Zealand it means
absolutely NOTHING – not defeat, indeed, only that the
referee was mad on his feet and the Boks played like men
demented; it only means that next time the Boks will be killed

But right now, to me it means peace in the home and joy
and delight; hubby is happy, singing like a nightingale,
all is beautiful, even the overcast weather, sport is the
barometer in my home, setting the tone for joy or pain,
hysterics or hallelujahs; I adore the Boks and their coach
when they win, while seeing each loss as a personal affront

Oh, did I mention, we won yesterday, in spite of the fact that
the referee was mad and the Boks played like lunatics –
that is, if hubby can be believed; and who am I
to question his authority?


Fighting The Encroaching Nothingness

Sunday evening, dozed in front of the TV,
woke up feeling refreshed and new; now
vague restlessness is rising, covering the
safety of sharp certainty in a mist of growing
fear for tomorrow - when the fight against
unwillingness and lack of inspiration must
commence again

Fighting for motivation to continue life as a
human being; why, why, WHY does it have
to be so difficult for me to do my duty, look
up rules and terms and words, all the while
fighting the restless crocodile insisting on
finding mysteries, the reptile destroying my
mammalian intellect

Leaving me hurt and bleeding with guilt feelings,
an aching head and stomach burning as I’m
fighting the encroaching nothingness that
constitutes routine activity to me…