Rookie - 99 Points (07-18-1989 / Arkansas)

Felt (Stronger) - Poem by ESPN CHICK

April 12,2008

Here I am stronger than ever
I am standing 6 feet tall and
The girl I use to be she's gone
Dead to the world

Because I found something that soothes my soul
All the time that I was hurt and in pain
I couldn't bare to believe anymore
Cause after all my pain was numb

And I was numb to everyone and everything around me
Didn't think there was a need to live anymore
Felt like I was getting weaker instead of stronger

All my faith went away
Lost my hope little by little
Figured out that pain was just a part me
Never thought I'd be whole

After all my body was broken into thousands of pieces
Felt lost and I knew I'd never find my way back
Thought I could be strong but the rain washed all that away when it was supposed to wash the pain away

Never felt like I could do anything right
And every night I cried myself to sleep
Felt like it was my lullaby
Then I suddenly realized that it wasn't me at all

I didn't cause this pain and numbness
Didn't cause my body to brake
And for a while I blamed God for everything
Lost all the hope I had in him

My faith weakened and my believing in him was questioning
Felt like he had abandoned me like everyone else
Felt like I was on my own to suffer to die
I was living nothing but a lie

But I keep telling myself I'm okay I don't need anyone anymore
Just me, myself, and I is all I will ever need
No matter how hard I tried to get up
I kept falling and falling into a black hole and couldn't get back on my feet

Just blamed God for everything
And he was following me every step of the way
The reasons why I'm still here is because of him
He stopped the suicides to happen

Put my body back together when no one else could
Caught me every time before I fell
Kept me under his wings and protected me everyday
I wondered how could he still love me after all I questioned him
And I pushed him to the side about a million times

But he never gave up on me
Instead he was trying to bring faith back to me
And he was making me stronger little by little
He was working on me all those times when I didn't want him in my life

All those times I tried to die
He placed people around me that cared
For once in my life I felt alive
He took away all the pain left me feeling good about myself

Felt like I couldn't make it anymore
But God knew I could and he restored me from head to toe
And he still is working on me
Making me stronger each and everyday

Now I know I'm not alone
Not filled with pain
No longer numb
Getting stronger in my faith and my hope has returned to me

God saved me from evil
Saved me from the world
Now I'm stronger then ever
And I feel like I can make it till the end

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Poem Submitted: Friday, April 18, 2008

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