Give It Your All! Poem by Julia Luber

I dropped out. I dropped out like an oldie but a goodie.
I stopped trying to sell those solar systems and save the world
from its carbon by product imprint. I stopped making myself
miserable with appointments that went nowhere that made
everybody around all hot and bothered eventually. I dropped out
of the rat race: the interviews and the efforts. I gave up. I suddenly
understood that the letters go nowhere. That they do not care if I am
alerting them to something terrible. I even stopped trying with the
profiling of the murderer to the police, to the FBI. I saw where the
profiling of the "terrorist" to the FBI lead not long after 9-11. I saw
it lead nowhere. And how nothing i made an effort at came back tome
in respect of my concern. I dropped out. I could not take it anymore.
The trying. The caring. The feeling. The warning. I stopped trying. I
stopped caring. I stopped being afraid. I stopped letting the gang
style kill thrill murderer shoot my blood pressure up to two forty over
one eighty and almost dying. If the police don't care, I don't care, If
the FBI doesn't care, I don't care. If they don't have to care, and they
are being paid to care, why should I have to care when I am not even
being paid to care. I feel as much sympathy for the people who called
in about that school shooter of seventeen in Florida, who called in to the
FBI and warned and cared as I do for the families of the killed. I feel so sorry
for the people who tried and experienced their word and concern going
nowhere. I am sure they sometimes hurt the most of all and don't understand
the pain nor exactly what it is. I dropped out. I gave up. If I get insulted by
a lot of people on PoemHunter, I probably will drop out of this too. So far, it
has not been bad in that way at all. People seem to be understanding and
not telling me to go kill myself every time I come off politically incorrect like
they do on Facebook sometimes. And when you diagnose why it becomes that
much harder to believe. I dropped out. I gave up. My blood pressure is calm
and I don't really care. Sometimes I even work myself into some peace and meditation
despite waking up for hours in my favorite beach town because it has been
contaminated by an evil cretin who is trying to connoitre my suicide again!
Well, she is not going to win. I know the excruciation will dissipate. I know
my strength and peace will return. I know "this too shall pass", as Jesus said.
But it sure is painful before it does. At any rate, I dropped out and gave up
and sometimes it is the only thing I can be proud of and feel good about and
be at peace with……knowing when to give up is as important as knowing when
to give in and give it your all!