Have The Crackpots United Poem by David Harris

Watching the news and I had to shake my head,
a featherbrained crackpot stood there,
they want to a ban a forty odd year old advert
about going to work on an egg,
They stood there saying, “We are not stating
that eggs are bad for you, they are actually quite good.
However you shouldn’t eat eggs every day.”
What a cockeyed statement to make.
They then carry on and say, we should eat other foods.
However, other featherbrains have told us other foods are no good.

Now what do the featherbrained crackpots say about drink?
Coffee and tea does you no good,
soft drinks are too gassy,
a must to say away,
beer and spirits are another no no.
Bottled water that might be Ok,
until someone contaminates
it all of it some day.

Now back to food,
its not only eggs we must not eat.
You name a food from greens to bamboo strands.
According to the crackpots,
they will all send you to the Promised Land.
They tell us it’s all contaminated
with this and that.
They say we should eat less each day.
At the rate they go on,
we will not be eating anything at all,
and the undertakers will be making
the thinnest coffins anyone ever saw.

You can bet your bottom dollar
that all the crackpots eat well.
If you went to their larder,
I would bet you would find
all the foods that they have told us
to leave behind.
Now my advice is to eat what you like,
modestly of course,
and as for drink,
drink what you will.

Now light up a cigarette
and see how many cuckoos come out of the nest.
Some of them say that it gives you this and that,
then another come along say it does not.
Nevertheless, none of them
can answer the question that I purpose.
A few years ago scientists discovered a dinosaur
that had died from cancer would you believe.
My question is did the dinosaur smoke?
Did he have tailor made
or was it a case of rolling your own?

So the next time you see a featherbrained crackpot,
carrying a banner somewhere
saying we must not eat or drink this or that.
Give them the Winston Churchill’s V sign in reverse
and tell them to go elsewhere.
Now message to you is
eat, drink and be merry.
We have here only one time,
so enjoy it while you can.