I Had Been There Before Poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar

I had been there before.
To feel indecisive in between doubts.
With an open mouth,
Quick to defend the presence of my insecurities.
And then to deny fears I perceived were well hidden.
I had been there before.

I had been there before.
To make excuses to produce more to come.
As if to run away from being held accountable,
For actions I should have taken but instead procrastinated.
To believe if I hesitated,
It was easier to blame someone else like others chose to do.

I had been there before,
Until I awakened from an unconsciousness...
That had me realize alibis I used to self abuse.
And that day when I saw myself from an honest point of view,
I knew immediately...
I had to rid myself of seeking approval to 'expect' disappointment!

I had been there 'before' to give more time to fear and delusion.
But today I am glad to have discovered the expense of masquerade.