I'M Not Strong Enough Poem by Heart of Ice Die Die Die

My knife
will no longer give me the sheer bliss
of a false pain,
a pain that is more bearable,
any longer.
Just the same raging and on-going hurt
mixed with physical pain.
And the hollow feeling of disappointment
that it didn't work,
that I TRIED again.
That I wasn't strong enough
to stop.
So,
because of that
I replaced it with smoking,
I don't even really want one
I smoke it because it helps the pain.
At least for a little while.
Instead of mutilating
and scarring my body
I fill my lungs with smoke.
There really is no true way
for me to heathily vent is there?
No matter how hard I try,
I can't.
I'm to weak
and worthless to stop.
I hate what I've become,
and I can't change
because I'm already in to deep.