I Need Someone To Love Poem by Heart of Ice Die Die Die

I want to cut away my pain,
make it all go away
even if it's only for a little while.
But I just don't have reason
to cut
my flesh deep enough
for it to work.
Trying to distract myself
from the calling blade.
But somehow I can't.
I light up a cig
than another and still want more.
Need another distraction,
don't want that much smoke
in my lungs.
I'm pacing,
running around in a small area
just like a caged animal.
I'll clean
organize
and perfect
until I have nothing left.
Stealing glances
at my hiding places.
My cigarettes
stashed under the dress of a doll my mother had given me.
How fitting.
My knife
hidden and safe in my top drawer.
They call to me,
they sing.
I long for them.
I swear, ,
I need someone to love,
someone to help me stop.
Someone to hold me and take them away
from my cold, white hands.
Tell me they love me too much
to let me keep doing that.
They're still calling.