Kunigunde - The King's Sister Poem by Herbert Nehrlich

My name is Olaf Dangelmaier
I am accused to be a liar,
a traitor to the King at that
a coward, ugly like a rat.

The Royal Court has now decreed
that I shall pay for excess greed
by hanging from the castle's rafter
until I reach the life hereafter.

The King allowed me still to choose
a meal before I meet the noose,
but I requested my last wish
to be a different kind of dish.

I had in days before seen class
in what is called a horse's ass.
The sister of the mentioned King
was sooo obese, but she could sing.

In charge of entertainment, she
had, early on, laid eyes on me.
All servants to the Royals knew
that Kunigunde was a true

and loyal woman, only that
she found no man due to her fat.
The King felt sorry for his sis'
and sensed the need for her to kiss,

before the ravages of age
would end her work up on the stage.
But gold and silver had not found
a husband for this very round

and somewhat bald and homely girl.
Just last July, a British Earl
had turned away in true disgust,
'a detriment to British lust! '

She came with riches and a castle
but he declined, it was a hassle.

I saw my last and final chance
and asked for a slow Polka dance,
my wish was granted by the sister
and notarised by the Philister.

The sun had set behind the trees,
I slowly rose with wobbly knees,
and then proceeded with my plan,
the brainchild of a desperate man.

The music filled the dancing hall
we moved with grace, from wall to wall.
Her garlic breath surrounded us
she pirouetted like a bus.

And then, she sang a Polka Rap
as through a huge incisor gap
came, soothingly, some lovely tones
accompanied by........ pheromones.

Soon found myself drawn to her breasts
which overflowed, up at the crest
of her pink gown of bright chiffon,
the time had come, she turned me on.

We danced and let the evening linger
the King was shown her middle finger,
her hand had grabbed me by the butt
and, all in all, the scene was hot.

The Minnesanger had arrived,
my plan, which could be called contrived,
was going well, as i had hoped.
She whispered 'what if we eloped? '

And, with the blessing of the King
I did install a five-inch ring
on my new bride and royal saviour.
The pardon was for good behaviour.

And if you ever face your death
you must get used to garlic breath.
As well as each unusual trait
what matters is your mental state.


Dedicated to Au Canada.