Laugh Or Love? ? Poem by Hannah Davies

I must admit when I first saw him
He made me turn my head
But who would have thought that one year on
He would be asking to get into my bed? ?

The innocent chats on the computer
Then the odd one or two texts would be sent
I find out he likes me too
But is it really meant? ?

I can sense his presence when he's around
Always shows up with a gleaming smile
He can always make me laugh
But I'm feeling scared as it's been a while.

I'm frightened I may have started to fall for him
But this shouldn't happen as there is one BIG catch! !
I already knew right from the start
That he has already married his perfect match.

I know that I and others could get hurt
But technically I have nothing to lose
It's another secret I have to keep
But there is a possibility I will bruise.

The messages between us increase
And then we agree to meet
There was the first kiss we shared
Which caused me to go weak at the feet.

Where is this going? ?
It certainly was not planned
Then he has to go back home to his wife
And I'm confused as to where exactly it is we stand? ?

I never thought I could trust a man again
When going from past experiences I've had noting but pain
But my defence barriers are still up as I can't understand
Why he would put all at risk, what is there for him to gain? ?

Is this some kind of joke? ?
Is he having a laugh at my expense? ?
But he's been so kind and patient
He's slowly weakening my defence.

My heart wants to give in and scream 'Yes'
But my past and head are saying 'No'
I hadn't realised just how greatly my past had effeted me
Things between us could get serious, but I don't want my crack to show! !

He says he's willing to wait until I'm ready
But I can't tell him how long that will be? ?
He may decide it's not worth the hassle and run
But if he doesn't, then I guess I know he accepts me for me! !

The age difference could be a problem for some people
But it's not somehting that I have given much thought
I'm not sure what this is? ?
But I'm grateful for the bit of happiness into my life it has brought.