Moving Forward Into The Past Poem by David Knox

Time does not stop it moves, it compels, it forces us forward
Time makes me into my future, but it's my past I'm moving toward
I both cling to it and strive for it
I don't want to, but I feel I can't bear to just leave
I feel stuck, there is an obstacle, I push, I shove, I heave
But it will not budge, because I don't want it to
I push, but I fear what will happen if it does move
I'm not sure if I can handle that reality, not sure I can live without you
I think what we had- what I had for you was and is love
Is that something you just move on from?
Is that something I can just push aside, yes each new day will come
Alas although time propels me forward I think
I'm getting deeper into my past, depression, deeper deeper I sink
With each step of time away the feelings are two steps closer
I cannot simply stop, how will I not think of her
Not think of you
I don't wonder anymore if you think of me too
The past is behind me, although I choose to live there
I don't think I want to
But on some level I do, I want to dwell on the past, I still want you
I can't imagine desiring this suffering, but I don't care
I want to feel hurt because I want to feel in love
I want to feel alone so I can pretend you used to be there
But you weren't- aren't
I do not understand my heart, but I do know pain
If I don't have this memory what do I have?
What solace or comfort is there with nothing to replace
Nothing to fill the gaping empty space
I'd rather go insane than forget
So it seems I will move into my past, I will because I want to
Someone please stop me, even if it's not you.