Mr Lecter's Pies! Poem by Shaun Cronick

Mr Lecter's Pies are the most tastiest in the land,
Customers travelling miles to eat one out of hand.
So crammed with succulent sweetmeats bursting to overflowing,
His hungry clientele never suspect what his dark mind is knowing.
Oh! They taste wickedly delicious I think I'll purchase four more,
His pies more addictive than heroin to every pie junkie carnivore.
Soon his pies would become part of pie making infamous folklore.
For Mr Lecter's Pies, local Trading Standards started to explore...
Mr Lecter himself was an odd looking chap with a leering smile,
Who carried a large net after dark more than once in a while.
He returned to his shop struggling with his nightly catch,
Down into the cellar and behind him firmly locked its latch.
Then there was one hell of a racket as power tools went berserk,
While Mr Lecter demonically sniggered enjoying his handiwork.
The same day at dawn, Trading Standards did quickly raid,
They arrested Mr Lecter to end his sinful pie charade.
For they had been following a worried hospital's tipoff.
As people began bringing up fur-balls after they coughed.
Another was caught crapping in the garden of the local mayor,
When finally finished he then scratched over it an earthly layer.
And countless more chased mice and those little silver balls,
While others grew claws and started climbing up the walls.
Some started softly purring while others grew a slinky tail,
Others tried to get through a cat-flaps clearly doomed to fail.
All enjoyed a saucer of milk then slept curled up before the fire,
Every one had long whiskers not an attribute for people to admire.
So, into the dark cellar they went as part of their dawn swoop,
And were horrified to find a bubbling vat labelled Cat Gloop!
So if you're an animal lover and possess a feline furry cat,
And addicted to meaty pies for they might all be just that.
For people just don't what they are eating,
From supermarket shelves packed and greeting.
Many meaty products found in every chain,
And who's to say what they truly contain...

Oh, and by the way,
Lecter has a Doctor brother who makes his own pies too,
His are inhumanly flavourful as is his homemade stew.