My Flamin' Phantom Freeda Flout Poem by Jim McGill

It is Valentines Day. I want to write about love, but I have only lost love that I have already written about. It is a sad tale about love, rollerblades, eighteen wheelers and waterwings. Yes, all in one poem about a woman I shall never forget:

My Flamin' Phantom Freeda Flout

Flamin' phantom Freeda Flout;
My love an' lady, strong and stout!
Serenely rollerblading all about
Racing eighteen wheeler's in an' out

I remember the sun, the sand
Oh, so long ago it seems
The day I found my one and only
The Lady of my dreams

Since the water was becalmed
No risk that I could see
I decided to dip my toes in
Cause I also had to pee

So wearing water wings
I cautiously went a wading...
While over on the freeway
She was rollerblading

Racing eighteen wheelers
She was weaving in and out
A woman strong and swarthy
Her name was Freda Flout

Nineteen stone in England
In pounds, two sixty-six point two
A full hundred twenty kilos
And all woman through an' through

She jumped the entry gate
With her rollerblades still spinning
And swaggered toward the beach
Where I was in the water swimming

Flames flared, sparks flew
When first our eyes they met
I was flushed and panting
And nothing had happened yet

She grabbed me by the head
My water wings went flapping
And against a near by sea wall
Her rollerblades were slapping

She clinched me tightly to her
In a most assertive fashion
I saw great lights before me
All green and red and flashing

And in a never ending buzz
Her rollerblades kept spinning
In a most calm and steady rhythm
Continuous since beginning

I kissed her wanting lips
O' so sweet just like molasses
But then she closed her legs
And that's what broke my glasses

Now blinded by my lover's
Strangling strong embrace
It was a struggle to extract
My gasping blue-grey face

But squirm and squeeze she did
And I was not inclined to stop it
Until an eyeball on my right side
Snapped into the other nearby socket

Now with two eyeballs sharing space
Together they both looked out
Of a head six inches thinner
At Freeda, stern and stout

Water wings and rollerblades
Wet and bouncing up and down
Water wings and rollerblades
They pumped with world renown

The climax passed, we lay together
Our passions were cascading
I wanted to hold on to her more tightly
But my energy now was fading

Then she left me for the Freeway
Once again to go rollerblading
I could clearly see her racing
Eighteen wheelers down a grading

That time has passed me now
A moment I will always dream about
The sun, the sand, the flickering flame
Of my one and only Freeda Flout

Flamin' phantom Freeda Flout;
My love an' lady, strong and stout!
Serenely rollerblading all about
Racing eighteen wheeler's in an' out