This was a long time ago but I think about the situation everyday.
And I write this out of an exploration, a discovery to understand what it
was that I shudda say. What I could have said to not have endedup essentially
dead. Reflecting on this instance nearly thirty five years ago. Strangely the
nature of it still does show.
I wish to God I had demanded that she had moved out of the place I had organized
the living of. That it was time to start hating and no longer indulging easier love.
I wish I had told her to get out of my face and out of my place. Rather than follow
her threat commandment and my life to end up an absolute disgrace.
I wish I had told her to move out then and now. Not simply let her word take over
my blessings with her terrorist style psychiatric cow. I might have added "How dare
you" how dare you corner me off into the institutionalized slough off. How dare you
connoitre me into psychiatric suicide which was obviously her agenda.
It gives her a sense of power and being part of a sadistic addenda.
It was such a thrill for her to subjugate and destroy me.
What an ego trip really, really, really. To explode the most vulnerable
dimension of all my qualities.I guess in her mind she was writing a book:
"How To Kill Trees."
And using a human friend as her operative implement.
To her threatening commanding sadistic directions, I never did exactly consent.
But the only salvation was too hard for me to do. I was not mean enough; I did
not know that here sadistic agenda would win over me through and through.
I did not know that it would ruin my life. That she would use it to destroy my career
as well to steal my wife. I did not know how elaborate her strategies and need for
only subjugation of me were. I did not know to her detrimental influence upon me,
there would be no cure.
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.I would like to translate this poem