Realisation Poem by Jo Elliott

This one shows the journey of knowing. It was like an acknowledgement of what I know and this is how I feel about it and the affect it has on me. The realisation was not just the realisation of the behaviour; it was also every aspect of this poem. I grew to understand that it was all or nothing, never a happy medium, then I realised I had to keep you away in order for some kind of sanity within my life in order to preserve my own healing journey. I realised I was wearing some kind of rose coloured spectacles about how what I felt should have given me the right to some spectacular relationship and that was the hold I had over myself and as long as I held on to the fantasy I was allowing myself to stay where I was, not rises as myself and move on. I gradually began to acknowledge that I needed strength to do this and I had to make myself see the bad which is so hard when you love someone. I told myself that there were plenty more fish in the sea, I dipped my toe in and it seemed I was destined for a time to only be attracted to people who only considered themselves in a relationship. Yet, again, I acknowledge that I know I still have feelings for you so I am not giving anyone else a chance and quite possibly why I am choosing inconsiderate people to date. I realise I am on a journey where there are knocks and bumps and although I am still in the same boat, paddling the same stream, I'm stronger and this time I am holding the oars. I longed to trust again even though I gave my trust and had it shattered, it didn't stop me, I grew to understand that trust was given and broken and it is the person who is trusted, individually, who decides what they do with it.