Secrets That Don'T Need To Be In My Life Anymore Poem by mona martinez

i hate these moments,
i'm so stressed out,
i don't know what to do,
plus having flashbacks on top of it,
only becuz the body remembers,
what was done to it,
can't tell what real,
it all just feels like a really bad dream,
i just want out,
everything comes to mind,

do i drink,
just to numb the pain?
do i self injure,
just to stop the intense pain?
i just want it to stop,
i don't know what to do,
every touch is a reminder,
that i didn't have a normal childhood,
no matter how hard i try,
i'm just me,

a person that is hurting,
from childhood sexual abuse,
i said it,
it's out,
the pain is less,
i hated that secret,
but it still leaves me alone,
no many ppl can understand my pain,
my struggles i live by,
the frustration that leaves me,
to want to take the easy way out,

to go as far as finding a drug,
that will numb me enough,
where i can feel ok,
but i know if i do,
than i'm only moving backwards,
it the reason i continue to fight,
even when it get hard like today,
cuz in the end when the rain stops,
the sun will shine,
and show me a better day,
i'm just wish the rain,
will hurry up and leave already.