Stephen Katona

Silver Star - 4,099 Points (26th November 1970 / Manchester, UK)

Snails Keep Away! - Poem by Stephen Katona

Out in the rain,
They invade my domain.
My flowers are under threat,
Whenever it's wet.
An army of snails,
Glide on slimy trails,
Brought out by the shower,
Looking for a flower,
To devour.

But they've a surprise tonight,
I'm up for a fight.
I start my assault,
With six kilos of salt,
As they emerge from a drain,
Countless are slain.
In a saucer of beer,
A few start to feel queer.
Many will soar,
Across to next-door.
I make shells go crunch,
Before they can munch,
Until the bottom of my shoe,
Is covered in goo.

Each night I wage war,
Yet still there's more.
I try to respond,
And dig a large pond,
To attract hungry toads.

I spread parasitic nematodes,
To eat the snails inside,
So they gradually died.

Around my flowers I put egg shell,
Thinking the edges would repel.

I dreamt of using cyanide,
As a molluscicide,
And eating them fried.

My favourite plot,
Was an upside-down pot,
Waiting until sunrise,
Those inside I'd pulverize.

I know it might seem absurd,
Finally, I thought like a bird,
The last I mashed to a pulp,
And swallowed in one gulp.

I have a warning to say,
“Snails keep away! ”

Topic(s) of this poem: animal


Comments about Snails Keep Away! by Stephen Katona

  • Hazel Durham (4/1/2015 10:43:00 AM)


    Beautifully composed with great humour I really enjoyed this very entertaining write! (Report) Reply

    1 person liked.
    0 person did not like.
  • Bri Edwards (3/30/2015 12:37:00 AM)


    Is covered in goo. ..................... i laughed at this, but my snail cousins have made me swear to get even with the evil Englishman! don't be surprised when you go out to your car some night this week, to go to work, and you find that i've filled your swimming pool with beer and driven your convertible into it.......with the top down! !

    like the rhyming, but my snail friends have your number NOW! they shall come from across the globe, including the two-foot-long African gray snails who have been known to eat a small child overnight, and they shall cover your home and release enough slime on it to bring photographers flocking from all of the European newspapers and television studios. your downfall will be recorded live, but you won't see it! ! !

    how's that you brutal beast? bri :)

    p.s. i shouldn't tell you this, but....pssst.... i heard that putting copper foil around a pot will keep slugs/snails? away. something to do with electric charge? ?
    (Report) Reply

    Stephen Katona (3/30/2015 6:22:00 AM)

    Thanks for the warning Bri. I'll be ready...

  • Valsa George (3/29/2015 11:33:00 AM)


    Now I have learnt how to drive away these menacing creatures! I too try salt! But they invade the flowers only in the night! I feel so dispirited when the snails eat away my orchid flowers! I have heard that putting egg shell can repel snails. But haven't tried! This poem has made me happy not just because it is an interesting poem but because of the knowledge that this snail problem is there in the East and West alike! (Report) Reply

    Stephen Katona (3/30/2015 6:25:00 AM)

    The thoughts of snails eating orchids makes my blood boil. I wish you well with your campaign.

  • Diane Hine (3/28/2015 1:11:00 AM)


    Terrific, and Bon Appétit! (Report) Reply

Read all 6 comments »



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Poem Submitted: Friday, March 27, 2015

Poem Edited: Saturday, March 28, 2015


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