So Hard Poem by Chantelle Nixon

He’s kissing her
He’s holding her
Loving her more than me
He’s sexing her
Talking to her
Sleeping next to her not me
Makes me feel hopeless
And I know that in the end
It’s her, not me
So what’s a girl to do
When her heart is tied
In a love that is already taken
More than anything
I want his heart
But she already has it
Hopelessness, sadness, depression
What am I doing?
I miss the ice
My head rests on my pillow
The tears flow on and on
How could I have been so weak
To open my heart to this man
Emotions run everywhere
From hot to cold and back
How can I deal with
My man touching and loving
Another woman – that he loves
Constant tears
And pain that I try to ignore
Day after day of denial
That slowly fades to dust
How I miss my year of ice
A year of no emotions
How I miss being so numb
That no one could reach my heart
I miss not caring
Who stays or who goes
I miss the disconnection
Of my heart and mind
If only I could have held
Onto the ice
Then this would not be so hard
Sometimes it gets hard to breathe
Hard to eat, hard to sleep
Sometimes its hard to
Be in the same room with him
Seeing the ring on his finger
And the tears come out of nowhere
And it’s hard to hold them back
Something I was always good at
So why not just leave
Just pack my heart and soul
And leave him be? ? ?
Because I love him so much
That this is just not an option
He’s the only thing that
Could make my heart beat again
And I can’t let him go
He has my heart in his hands
Even though to love him is just so hard