State Of Escape Poem by Julia Luber

Over twenty years of diligent education, religious practice, musical
skill and diligent practice- over twenty years of playing it cool and letting
oneself rise above the tension and anxiety beneath.Over twenty years of
living, loving and succeeding. AND SHE RUINED IT ALL IN ONE SENTENCE
I knew to stay away from it when it killed my grandmother two weeks after
I was born, when it subjugated my father to a recalcitrant mess when he was
usually the one so classily in control, when I felt how it drove my sister crazy
when she wore her "I'm A Virgin" pin to please the psychiatrist; when our
mutual friend was locked up in a really icky institution for nine long months
with the bars on the window and the tiles on ceiling and floor.When our friend
became anorexic and detached while seeing a psychiatrist. I had always known
to stay away from it being surrounded in its afflictions. And I had bit a bullet and
made a decision to stay away. But when "she" threat commanded me into it, with
her 'word' bonded by near half a billion dollars, and her ego bowed down to by
so many teachers and herself thinking herself so fantastic; when it came from
somebody who truly had an agenda to destroyme through it and by it-to
use up whatever she could 'copy' of my personality and corner me into just a
state of escape from what she threat cornered me into. When she triggered my
conscience and made me feel 'guilty' in that I knew that something was bad about
it. Then I felt compelled to investigate it myself. And what a mistake that was.
And I have been in a State of Escape every day, every hour since-now for thirty
two years! All that dedication, commitment, diligence, flushed down the toilet
in a heartbeat just because she decided to control the flushing handle with her
near half a billion dollars and her horrifying and secret agenda to destroy me. Why?