The traffic was loud.
Car wheels slapped the pavement
like wrestlers hitting the mat.
Still I slept.
The neighbors were partying.
Empty beer cans hit the trash can
like bullets ricocheting off a target.
Still I slept.
The rain fell after midnight.
Hailstones battered metal awnings
like raucous music by angry musicians.
Still I slept.
Dreams turned into nightmares.
The strawberry patch at Fergus Falls
looked like blood surging from a gashed flesh.
Still I slept.
Dawn pressed against the window.
The light shone golden
like a silent cascade of tiny coins.
Still I slept.
The early hours were fragrant.
Morning spread itself across the landscape
like a soft blanket of transparent green.
Still I slept.
Unexpectedly two great eyelids closed.
No promises were kept, no expectations,
met. Hope stopped, love never began.
I awoke.
This is indeed a very fruitful read.... The poem is rich in beautiful analogies... Blissfully unaware of the din and bustle around, sleeping away to glory, creating an inner calm of one's own...! . Or is it an escapism from the world of realities... or is it an eternal sleep when one realizes with regret that many promises are to be kept and no expections met... An open ended write that may be interpreted in many ways!
My take on the final portion of this poem is that the eyelids that closed were not those of the writer, but they were of another, perhaps an unrequited love affair or a distancing from a parent or child. The harsh reality and ultimate acceptance of the inevitable conclusion is what awakened the writer from his sleep. Daniel, you are a creative thinker of the highest level. The ultimate curiosity is the duplicity of translations for a poem's ending meaning. I would be honored if you would critique 2 of my poems, Demise and The Changing of the Sun. Your input would be of great value to me. It is obvious by your background and by your writing that you have spent serious, cerebral time in your craft. That is so very admirable. Thank you for your gift.
the ending changed the whole scene. just loved this one. nice imagery and simile. nice one, dear.
Dawn pressed against the window'......some beautiful lines in there.....lovely write, Never let go of your sleep! ! ! ..I cordially invite you to read my poem- '...to bosom thee....I'll rise''..and ''never look like one''..plzz share your views in comments.....regards
Without much interpretation, I just admire astute use of similes, 'like wrestlers hitting the mat', 'like a soft blanket of transparent green' among others. A piece of poetry to be read forever. Timeless!
part 3 I think this poem needs more readings and deeper study and review. I am interesting in his works so much and enjoying them. each stanza has got it is special meaning and story, and all stanzas together giving a complete meaning in one strong unit of poetic form
Unexpectedly two great eyelids closed. No promises were kept, no expectations, met. Hope stopped, love never began. I awoke.
here our beloved poet has used very unique poetic similes in his masterpiece; such as: like wrestlers hitting the mat. like bullets ricocheting off a target. like raucous music by angry musicians. looked like blood surging from a gashed flesh. like a silent cascade of tiny coins. like a soft blanket of transparent green.
excellent poem by a professional poet deserves top mark and onto my fav list, thanks for sharing, all the best
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
Daniel, you say, in your note: this poem is an exercise in creating imagery and using figures of speech. Well, it is a very good exercise, indeed: you are a skilled, excellent craftsman, which can create different & contrasting reality with the language of Poetry. The last stanza [Unexpectedly two great eyelids closed. No promises were kept, no expectations, met. Hope stopped, love never began. I awoke.] is particularly intriguing, so much that I could not resist the temptation to translate it... Well, I post here an Italian version of your own stanza (changing it a little, even the punctuation) , picturing it as a poem in its own right, with its own title... Hope you can accept it as a friendly tribute to your creativity. Awakening [ Il risveglio * ] Inaspettatamente, due immense palpebre si sono chiuse. Nessuna promessa è stata mantenuta. Nessuna aspettativa soddisfatta. Nessun amore è sbocciato; svanita ogni speranza. Alla fine, mi sono risvegliato. - * del poeta.. - the awakening of the poet... :) Fabrizio