Dan Jordan

The Gold Of Smauge - Poem by Dan Jordan

To mountains eerie and mysterious,
To dungeons evil and solemn,
They will venture for the treasure of
A pile of gold, which Smauge stole
With a cruel, savage Heart of bitter cold.

It is their true destiny to stumble upon
The pile of gold, which Smauge stole
With a heart of bitter cold. For they
Wish have a most lucious
And lavish life of selling

Indeed will venture deep into mountains
Eerie and mysterious, And into dungeons
evil and solemn, to discover a fantastic
And brilliant life, amongst a pile of gold.

Comments about The Gold Of Smauge by Dan Jordan

  • (3/11/2009 6:18:00 PM)

    Very good

    I think this is a very good poem that is not understood by all
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  • (12/31/2008 3:54:00 PM)

    A good write, wording is splendid. (Report) Reply

  • Louis Rams (12/30/2008 9:23:00 PM)

    good write
    it makes you realize that you must continue until you find the light at the end of the tunnel.
    (Report) Reply

  • (12/30/2008 12:55:00 PM)

    awsome...... this is good..... (Report) Reply

  • (12/30/2008 12:06:00 PM)

    I enjoy the imagery and allegory of this one, Dan! There's a timeless quality to this work that can be applied to the current financial woes instigated by the Rothschild empire of money-changing shenanigans. Great job on this poem, Dan! Warm regards, John. (Report) Reply

  • (12/30/2008 11:12:00 AM)

    this poem does paint a picture of what you are thinking about, well wrote thanks for sharing (Report) Reply

  • (12/29/2008 6:19:00 PM)

    this is a very good poem
    i love it
    (Report) Reply

  • (12/29/2008 3:55:00 PM)

    A wonderful poem Daniel? if i may i have the smallest suggestion for a line
    the third line within the first stanza i believe might flow better if one replaced your word 'of' with the words 'that is' just a personal opinion but either way it was a lovely poem reflecting the netherworlds of smauge and his treasury

    (Report) Reply

  • (12/29/2008 2:07:00 PM)

    There are several things you did in this marvellous fantasy poem, Dan, that I liked quite a bit and that also showed an impressive imagination and poetic talent. Of course, there are a few things that need some attention, not uncommon with most younger and less experienced writers. It was impressive that you used repetition in this poem and used it well with the repeat of phrases in each new verse. It does tend to make a poem more memorable. I think 'A pile of gold' sounds better to begin your 4th line of the 1st verse than the word 'The' does. The 2nd verse can be better balanced by a little re-phrasing: The first sentence is fine, but might look and sound better if it goes like this: 'With a cruel, savage heart of bitter cold.' That would make the line end further over, allowing you to begin and end the 4th line like this: 'For they wish to have a most lucious/ and start the 5th line like this: 'And lavish life of selling Gold.' It balances the whole verse better. Your final verse needs no altering. I think this is a very promising write, Dan. Carl. (Report) Reply

  • (12/29/2008 1:51:00 PM)

    I like this poem very much. Could you please explain to me what makes you think of these ideas. I took this poem and understoood it as I'm trying to find something beautiful and rich, that is deep and hidden that is underneath ugly and scary things. But how do you take it? (Report) Reply

  • (12/29/2008 1:51:00 PM)

    My friend. I think your work rock. what I like most, is that it comes from a 15 year old.. Fay may be right.. Take Her advice. But you are young and this is a learning thing.. So never Quit, never give-up.. never give - in and you would win this..


    (Report) Reply

  • (12/29/2008 1:27:00 PM)

    this poem was fantastic made me think about the theme of the poem not to mention there are multiple themes as I thought harder so I really love this poem 10/10 (Report) Reply

  • C. P. Sharma (12/28/2008 9:50:00 PM)

    Good ideas nicely penned down. I agree with Fay so far as editing is concerned that will give your poem a better shine.
    (Report) Reply

  • Fay Slimm (12/28/2008 10:28:00 AM)

    Dan this has earned a 10 from me because you have put into it some serious thinking and have arranged your verses in acceptable order too.... it needs a little editing in places so I suggest you read over carefully and spot the spelling corrections..... we all have to do that Dan. - and I often find a typing error which I am always pleased to correct because I care for my readers.... they need good and well written poetry...... but you must keep on writing and please do read as much poetry as you can of others.......... best wishes from Fay. (Report) Reply

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Poem Submitted: Sunday, December 28, 2008

Poem Edited: Wednesday, December 31, 2008