Time Hangs Heavy On My Hands Poem by Bill Galvin

These weeks after you’ve gone, they drag on
In a strange marriage of energy and misery.
The energy to write about you, us, our love, our life;
Because there is nothing left for me to do.
The misery of my bereavement moves sluggishly,
And almost imperceptibly, toward acceptance;
I trudge barefooted, closure miles away in a thorny lea;
My heartache still ebbing and flowing daily… hourly…
Like the tides of an ocean of discontentment.

You were the redeemer of my soul;
You illumined the great darkness of my life;
You brought me back from an abyss of despair
With your abiding love and understanding.
Now, I move about, a listless soul, hopeful
That the healing power of your redemptive love
Can still work from beyond.
I’m in need of a light to navigate this dark void
Left after your passing, as I walk new cliff side trails
By moonlight reflection alone.

Everyone has gotten on with their lives, as they must;
But, I… I move about in an inward maze
Made of concentric circles; each inner orb
Containing a deeper memory of you.
How many are there? What waits at the center?
I need to talk more about us; about losing you;
In lieu, I cobble thoughts to words; pen words to phrase.
Our lives were led so tenderly, so intimately;
No one will ever know; no one can… such a shame.
Days and nights move more swiftly now,
But I still find myself not much closer
Toward reconciling my nature with my pain.

I think of you every morning, afternoon, and evening.
My thoughts form poems all the time about you, about us;
I see the potential us in other couples; I wish them well,
But I envy… yes, I sinfully envy them so deeply.
I abhor the fate that we were struck down with;
Other words I’ve written may strum a different chord;
I may sound optimistic, trying to convince myself
That all will be well; all will work out; que sera, sera;
Time heals all wounds; etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.
But I do harbor a resentment; a fatalistic flaw, no doubt.

Like a dampened paper grocery bag,
I tempt the handles to fail and break,
As the torment of living without you
Adds more and more weight…
And, time hangs heavy on my hands.

5-15-2015 (Sonoma Plaza, CA)
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