'Today Is Christmas Morning' Poem by Linda Winchell

Today is Christmas morning
No money this year to buy a tree.
so I took some green food coloring
and made a pint of it, too pour all over me!

After I was done dousing, then dried
I glued on some buttons and some fancy bows!
Started at the top of my head
all the way down to my toes!

I had on only my ruffled panties and bra
then stuck a flashlight in my mouth!
And began to flash it off and on
when through the house, did walk the spouse!

He proceeded into the front room
passing me by, like I wasn't even there!
I couldn't understand him ignoring me
as he plopped his rear into his chair!

I stood still in our front window
as he turned his favorite football game on.
He acted like he was looking right through me
how could he not see me as a Christmas tree?
with all this stuff I had stuck on?

I raised my hand to take out the flashlight
and scared my hubby half to death!
I thought I might have to mouth to mouth!
was he having a major heart attack?

What in God's name are you doing woman?
my husband caught his breath to utter!
You look like something green and scary!
What are those things in your bra, my hubby muttered?

I was trying just to cheer you up
dressing up like a Christmas tree!
Now give me a hand to scrub off this color
and get these ornaments I've glued off of me!