Unbalanced Poem by rachael richmond


Rating: 5.0

leg muscles taut as iron,
arms splayed out,
hardly moving...
back rigid
temperature frigid.

inch forward...
concentration intense
buttocks clench
move a little faster
i must master

eyes down
watch my feet
ankles slowly pass each other
then meet again

arms raising
moving quicker
feeling slicker
one leg shoots
out from my side
the other glides
across the ice
and down i go
flat on my back

feel an old fool
when little tom
glides gracefully like a swan
up to me, turns his skates
makes the ice vibrate
and says...
'need a hand'

Donall Dempsey 28 July 2007

This made me laugh! I once brought a class of blind kids to skating and they all glided gracefully around and all I did was fall on the ground and it really hurt...both pride and tush! Never gave it another go again. My mind was unbalanced for years after...still is I think...don't think...I ever recovered! And now I read this and it brings it all swimming back...aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! love Donall

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Kelly Hanson 01 April 2007

Rachel - wonderful poem! I love the way you play with rhythm and pace, mixing in both rhyme and repetition..... Plus it is so playful and bright - I was left with a big grin. Thanks for sharing. I really needed cheering up today. Keep up the good work. K

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David Harris 13 March 2007

Rachael, the memories that flooded back with this one. When I was a kid at school in Canada I joined a school ice hockey team! During the only match they allowed me to play I spent most of game on my backside. Every time the puck hit my hockey stick down I went. We lost of course and I was evicted from the team. You see I was in goal. Thanks for sharing this lovely amusing piece. Gave it 10. David

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jim hogg 02 February 2007

It's all very well for kids - though it's always encouraging to see them offer a hand to seniorish citizens. For forty eight year olds it can be slightly tricky! I can picture this easily - it's described so effectively here. Terrific writing Rachael. Alice (Young) xx hugs

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