Seema Jayaraman

Gold Star - 14,440 Points (24 Aug / Mumbai)

Web Of Dreams - Haiku (5-7-5) - Poem by Seema Jayaraman

spinning dreams I lay
dawns rude wakening ray
unspun web of dreams
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Copyright ©Seema Jayaraman, Mumbai 5Nov2015 All Rights Reserved

Topic(s) of this poem: dawn

Form: Haiku


Comments about Web Of Dreams - Haiku (5-7-5) by Seema Jayaraman

  • Kumarmani Mahakul (11/13/2015 1:38:00 AM)


    Having dreams on spinning mind and finding them floating on webs daily is fantastic in this imagery drawn definitely. Wise sharing...10 (Report) Reply

    Seema Jayaraman Seema Jayaraman (11/13/2015 7:23:00 AM)

    thank you Kumarmaniji, happy the poem was able to paint the web of dreams spinning and floating away.. thanks

    1 person liked.
    0 person did not like.
  • Bri Edwards (11/8/2015 4:05:00 PM)


    Well, much can be said about the use of the words “lie” and “lay”. see below!


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    verb \ˈlālaid
    \ˈlād\ lay•ing
    Definition of LAY
    transitive verb
    1
    : to beat or strike down with force
    2
    a: to put or set down [lay your books on the table]
    b: to place for rest or sleep; especially: bury


    3
    : to bring forth and deposit (an egg)
    4
    : calm, allay [lay the dust]
    5
    : bet, wager
    6
    : to press down giving a smooth and even surface
    7
    a: to dispose or spread over or on a surface [lay track] [lay plaster]
    b: to set in order or position [lay a table for dinner] [lay brick]


    *****c: to put (strands) in place and twist to form a rope, hawser, or cable; also: to make by putting strands in place and twisting [lay up rope]


    8
    a: to impose as a duty, burden, or punishment [lay a tax]
    b: to put as a burden of reproach [laid the blame on her]
    c: to advance as an accusation: impute [the disaster was laid to faulty inspection]
    9
    : to place (something immaterial) on something [lay stress on grammar]
    10
    : prepare, contrive [a well-laid plan]
    11
    a: to bring against or into contact with something: apply [laid the watch to his ear]
    b: to prepare or position for action or operation [lay a fire in the fireplace]; also: to adjust (a gun) to the proper direction and elevation
    12
    : to bring to a specified condition [lay waste the land]
    13
    a: assert, allege [lay claim to an estate]
    b: to submit for examination and judgment [laid her case before the commission]
    14
    often vulgar: to copulate with
    intransitive verb
    1
    : to produce and deposit eggs
    2
    nonstandard: 1lie
    3
    : wager, bet
    4
    dial: plan, prepare
    5
    a: to apply oneself vigorously [laid to his oars]
    b: to proceed to a specified place or position on a ship [lay aloft]
    — lay an egg
    : to fail or blunder especially embarrassingly
    — lay eyes on
    : see, behold
    — lay into
    : to attack especially verbally [laid into the referee]
    — lay on the table
    1
    : to remove (a parliamentary motion) from consideration indefinitely
    2
    British: to put (as legislation) on the agenda
    See lay defined for English-language learners
    See lay defined for kids
    Usage Discussion of LAY


    lay has been used intransitively in the sense of “lie” since the 14th century. The practice was unremarked until around 1770; attempts to correct it have been a fixture of schoolbooks ever since. Generations of teachers and critics have succeeded in taming most literary and learned writing, but intransitive lay persists in familiar speech and is a bit more common in general prose than one might suspect. Much of the problem lies in the confusing similarity of the principal parts of the two words. Another influence may be a folk belief that lie is for people and lay is for things. Some commentators are ready to abandon the distinction, suggesting that lay is on the rise socially. But if it does rise to respectability, it is sure to do so slowly: many people have invested effort in learning to keep lie and lay distinct. Remember that even though many people do use lay for lie, others will judge you unfavorably if you do.
    Examples of LAY
    1. Lay the fabric carefully on the table.
    2. He laid a gentle hand on her shoulder.
    3. She laid the baby in his crib for a nap.
    4. When will they lay the foundation for the addition?
    5. lay tracks for the new railroad
    6. They laid him in his grave.
    Ask The Editor Videos

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    “if you mean what i think you mean in the first line, the word lie is more proper than lay, though lay does make a nice rhyme with ray! poetic license or common error in using lay, OR? ? :) ”

    “spinning dreams I lay
    dawns rude wakening ray
    unspun web of dreams”

    *******as used in your poem, the definition of lay # 7 c above COULD be what you had in mind. interesting! ! ! I just stumbled on that possibility! :)
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    Web Of Dreams - Haiku (5-7-5) - Poem by Seema Jayaraman

    spinning dreams I lay
    dawns rude wakening ray
    unspun web of dreams

    When I first came on PH several years ago, I was very particular about getting the same number of syllables in each line of many of my poems. A non-PH friend (non-poet friend) suggested that it ‘hurt’ my poems and I agreed, just as I now sometimes feel trying too hard for rhymes can sometimes ‘hurt’ a poem.


    as stated above with “Haiku (5-7-5) ”, a haiku is meant to have 5 syllables in the first and third lines and 7 in the second line. IS THAT CORRECT? I rarely write haikus and now it doesn’t sound correct ….. though there is some “rule” about 5 and 7. I’m too lazy to check it now! !

    I usually think of a word like “words” or “arms” [or “dreams” or “dawns”] as having two syllables, not just one; I think of the “s” ending as a separate syllable. something like that anyway. :)

    so, look at the “s”-ending words in the poem, one in each of the three lines.

    in line one it seems the poet(ess) is using “dreams” as ONE syllable.
    in line two “dawns” is used as TWO syllables.
    in line three “dreams” is used as ONE syllable, again.

    Am I seeing that correctly? ? ? ? ! If so, the author is using poetic license to decide with which “s”-ending word to give the “s”-part credit for being a separate syllable.

    what do YOU think? ?

    :) bri

    p.s. those darn rays usually DO un-spin my dream webs so well that I don’t recall any dreams at all! !
    (Report) Reply

    Seema Jayaraman Seema Jayaraman (11/9/2015 1:49:00 AM)

    Agree with you, I did mean lie instead of lay, though at the time of penning, I didn't give it much thought, the difference between Lie and Lay. You are a walking talking thesaurus and dictionary rolled into one and honestly, I never gave it as much thought as you have. I thought of all three lines in about 15 minutes and probably another 10 minutes to type it out! ! ! Never gave the grammar and technicalities so much thought though I was careful to try and fit it into the haiku rule of 5-7-5 syallbles; So it was convenient to use my poetic license to use the word which fit the rhyme. Thank you for pointing out the difference, I will be careful about using the word lay next time, though it comes very easily and naturally in the common English that I am used to. Looking forward to more of your visits and exhaustive reviews, will work on your suggestions. thanks.

    Seema Jayaraman Seema Jayaraman (11/8/2015 10:55:00 PM)

    Wow my real tutorial begins..firstly let me express my sincere appreciation fir the time and effort you spent mulling over my 3 simple lines..i had aced my tofel..that was more than a decade ago and i have forgotten most of the grammar rules our teachers drummed in our heads in school..replying from mobile while commuting towork on a very blue monday..will respond in detail once Im on my pc. Thanks.

  • (11/5/2015 12:40:00 AM)


    this is a lovely Haiku
    thanks
    (Report) Reply

    Seema Jayaraman Seema Jayaraman (11/5/2015 1:32:00 AM)

    Its so difficult to pick the threads of dreams..

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Poem Submitted: Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Poem Edited: Wednesday, November 4, 2015


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