What Is It That I Seek Poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar

Could I announce from a pulpit,
Travesties I disdain?
Within my consciousness that remains.
To inflict my personal conflicts...
With a revealing of my own insecurities,
I can not shake.
Why do I have a need from a pulpit,
To announce this to berate in a scolding.
And to what desired effect?

There has to be 'something' within me,
I have not been able to face.
There has to be 'something' within me,
An honesty has not graced...
That permits a self examination,
To thoroughly erase.

And what is it that I seek...
To continue to punish others,
For those mistakes I've made?
Is it my own acceptance?
Or my deceptions...
That will not from me go away.
And I need the assurance I am protected,
By my own creation.