'I write. I write you a letter everyday. Sometimes it's just about what I did that day, or how 'okay' I am. But other times when the days get rough, I write about memories so I can remember myself, just how much I miss you. Either way, I write to you each and everyday. Today, it's for our last kiss: :
It was the day you came to explain things. I knew what was coming, but I was just trying to enjoy myself, because I knew you wouldn't come around anymore. We spent an hour goofing around and talking like everything was going to be okay. You had just finished up school, and were complaining about how bad you smelt, like you had done millions of times before. I kept on hugging you anyways, and telling you that you smelt good because I knew after today, I wouldn't be able to hug you anymore. I kept dreading the moment you'd walk out that door, because I knew everything was going to change. For good this time. You kept telling me we'd still hang out, and I believed you. Only to find myself three weeks later thinking even a phone call would do.I remember you kept saying how 'bummed' I looked, but I kept assuring you that I was okay, and I said I understood. And I swear, I did understand and I was okay...for about two seconds. Until you wrapped your arms around me and held me like you'd never let me go. My eyes filled with tears but I choked them back as soon as you let go. I didn't want you to feel bad for all of this. For breaking your promise. I didn't want any sympathy. I didn't want to be a charity case. A girl you were afraid to let go of and leave behind.Then the time came, and you had to go. You stood in the doorway and I saw the past 2 years flash before me. I just kept looking at you and smiling. It took all I had to put that smile on my face, but I did it just for you.This is what being a teenager's all about. We've all got to have our hearts broken, right? Otherwise it'd be too easy, and we'd take everything for granted..So, these last few minutes I just kept hugging you as tight as I could, thinking I was strong enough to keep you here with me forever. Then you kissed me. I had butterflies in my stomach, just like the first time, only this time, instead of being nervous about what my life would be like with you in it, I was nervous about what it'd be like without you. To be honest, it scared me. Who would I run to when I needed someone? Who would I talk to about my exciting news? Who would I count on & confide in? At that moment, I wrapped my arms around your neck and buried my head in your chest. I didn't want you to see the fear in my eyes. Then you told me you loved me, made some corny joke.. just like every other time, and left.
I laughed, even though I wanted to cry.
I smiled, even though my heart was breaking.