Bert Kalmar


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Bert Kalmar (February 10, 1884 - September 18, 1947) was a Jewish American lyricist.

He was born in New York, New York. He ran away from home at the age of 10 to become a magician at a tent show[citation needed], and retained an interest in magic all his life. He never got much of an education, but decided to make a career in show business. He earned enough money as a vaudeville ... more »

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Quotations

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  • ''I'll see you at the theater tonight. I'll hold your seat 'til you get there. After that you're on your own.''
    Bert Kalmar, U.S. screenwriter, Harry Ruby, Arthur Sheekman, and Leo McCarey. Rufus T. Firefly (Groucho Marx), Duck Soup, to his patron Mrs. Teasdale ...
  • ''I've got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it!''
    Bert Kalmar, U.S. screenwriter, Harry Ruby, Arthur Sheekman, and Leo McCarey. Rufus T. Firefly (Groucho Marx), Duck Soup, to Chicolini (Chico Marx) as...
  • ''Don't look now but there's one man too many in this room and I think it's you!''
    Bert Kalmar, U.S. screenwriter, Harry Ruby, Arthur Sheekman, and Leo McCarey. Rufus T. Firefly (Groucho Marx), Duck Soup, to his nemesis, Ambassador T...
  • ''Go! And never darken my towels again!''
    Bert Kalmar, U.S. screenwriter, Harry Ruby, Arthur Sheekman, and Leo McCarey. Rufus T. Firefly (Groucho Marx), Duck Soup, to his nemesis Ambassador Tr...
  • ''Clear? Why a four-year-old child could understand this report! Run out and get me a four-year-old child. I can't make head or tail out of it.''
    Bert Kalmar, U.S. screenwriter, Harry Ruby, Arthur Sheekman, and Leo McCarey. Rufus T. Firefly (Groucho Marx), Duck Soup, to his aid, Bob Roland (Zepp...
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