kanav justa

Veteran Poet - 1,991 Points (Shimla)

A Crow Complains Of His Bitter Voice - Poem by kanav justa

crow's eyes fixed upon a skylark
and weeps as he hear her say
beneath the tree a shadow dark
of his wings tinted faint grey

how sweetly she tweets, complains the crow
when i sing how guttural i sound
just below his drooping brow
tears rolled towards the ground

every note from the throat of the beautiful bird
was like a blow from the hammer to his head
every song from the bird that the black crow heard
made his eyes, fuming bright red

fluttering his wingshe sailed away
to a land where none sang sweet
but the memories of that morn of may
everynight that crow would meet

Topic(s) of this poem: jealousy, love

Form: Lyric


Comments about A Crow Complains Of His Bitter Voice by kanav justa

  • Bharati Nayak (8/30/2018 10:53:00 AM)

    Thanks for your comment on my poem.I was drawn to your poet page and find here such beautiful poem, my first read.
    Not only you, but most of us feel the way you feel comparing ourselves with others whom we feel better than us.This makes us depressed.
    A lovelypoem, thakns for sharing.
    (Report)Reply

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  • Bri Edwards (6/27/2017 8:39:00 PM)

    ok, this now goes into July's 'a showcase of and for PH poets'. just your name and a link to this page will appear in a list this month (with mostly male PH poets) .

    thanks.

    bri :)
    (Report)Reply

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  • Bri Edwards (10/6/2016 10:18:00 AM)

    i think: May, not may

    bri ;)
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  • Brian Johnston (6/16/2014 12:32:00 PM)

    PS: Don't let 'your' admiration for the 'lark's voice' turn you away from your own poems. Study the lark, don't just listen. Her secrets will be revealed and, even if you never sing like her, you will amaze yourself and eventually find your own true voice. Now this is what I call a real comment! : -) (Report)Reply

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  • Brian Johnston (6/16/2014 12:25:00 PM)

    Really liked this poem kana. But I agree with Bri Edwards comments as well. My main compliant is that the poem seems raw and unfinished to me. I personally feel like you have presented us with the gushings of your muse which for me are really just the skeleton of what your already wonderful poem could look like. I find myself looking for the flesh, the heart of kana, which it feels are lacking and make this poem merely 'exceptional' and not 'great' as it could be! Ha! Like Bri I will send you a more personal comment but only if you desire it. (Report)Reply

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  • Bri Edwards (5/26/2014 11:43:00 PM)

    i love the story and the rhymes. i have some suggestions regarding the 'english', and i plan to send those in a separate message, which i don't often do. i mean i usually just throw them in with the comment.
    - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
    i did not understand the meaning of these two lines:

    benath [beneath] the tree a shadow dark
    of his wings painted faint grey.....................................perhaps beneath the tree passed a shadow dark....?
    ======================
    the 2nd and 4th stanzas are in a tie for my favorite stanza. very nice! thanks for sharing. bri :)
    =============================================================================

    p.s. here is a poem from my list which i wrote about a similar bird, and which is similar in some way to yours. but mine is not sad.

    The Raven Pair...... [Lovebirds? ; Bird Sounds; 'Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Beholder' (An Old Saying) : Very Short]

    Their harsh voices seemed almost gentle today,
    as, in eucalyptus tree, they seemed to say:
    “Black Beauty, come join me now. I see you are there.”

    And where I first saw one, I now saw a pair.

    They’re not cute, may not be your favorite birds,
    BUT I bet between them …… pass some bird-love words.

    Bri Edwards
    Submitted: Wednesday, August 14,2013
    ====================
    i've been having trouble sending comments recently. i hope i only get one copy of this submitted and that it doesn't take all night.
    (Report)Reply

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  • Bijay Poudel (4/24/2014 9:57:00 PM)

    This is the crow who tried to escape its individuality...nice write (Report)Reply

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  • Dinesh Nair (4/20/2014 1:59:00 AM)

    Crows cry and skylarks fly high.....
    In the world of reverses our poetic license spares none... ha ha ha..
    But a fine cluster of sweet tweets not flopped in vain, Kanav. A nine for you. I reduce 1 mark for you have not been reading my poems of late.
    (Report)Reply

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  • Akhtar Jawad (4/19/2014 6:58:00 AM)

    Gulshan parast hoon mujhe gul hi nahin aziz......Kanton se bhi nibah kiye ja raha hoon main. I liked your poem. (Report)Reply

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  • (4/18/2014 10:18:00 AM)

    beautifull poem....loved your story and its rhyming! (Report)Reply

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  • Valerie Dohren (4/13/2014 5:02:00 PM)

    A great poem Kanav - like the crow, I can't sing either! (Report)Reply

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  • Hazel Durham (4/12/2014 12:20:00 PM)

    Beautiful rhythm and flow about a sad tale of jealousy, as the crow flies to another land he still hears the skylark in his mind! ! (Report)Reply

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  • Hazel Durham (4/12/2014 12:20:00 PM)

    Beautiful rhythm and flow about a sad tale of jealousy, as the crow flies to another land he still hears the skylark in his mind! ! (Report)Reply

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  • Yash Shinde (4/12/2014 11:36:00 AM)

    ........a sweetly rhymes poem, I love the story, but clearly the last stanza demonstrates the human nature of non-competitiveness, its our habit to run away from competition, same as the crow did...............lovely write (Report)Reply

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  • Rishabh Bidya (4/12/2014 10:25:00 AM)

    Greatly expressed, my friend. Just as expressive as your previous works: D (Report)Reply

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  • Valsa George (4/11/2014 10:45:00 PM)

    How come, I too wrote a poem quite recently on the same subject! (May be 'great people' think alike! ! !) I will post it very soon!

    Enjoyed this sweetly rhyming poem much Kanav! A 10
    (Report)Reply

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  • Shraddha The Poetess (4/11/2014 1:16:00 PM)

    Very nice..., , , , , , , REALLLY Very very welldone...! ! ! ! ! ! ! (Report)Reply

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  • Bill Cantrell (4/11/2014 12:25:00 PM)

    Just outstanding! ! ! ! I really love the story, rhyme and moral, such a good write. (Report)Reply

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Poem Submitted: Friday, April 11, 2014

Poem Edited: Thursday, August 30, 2018


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