A Microphone Abuser Poem by Lara W.A

I’m oddly attracted to him
But it takes two to tango
And we,
We’d make a funny sight
I’m Alanis Morissette
He’s JFK
He says “How do you do? ”
I say “Yo what’s up? ”

And he
He hates me
He really really hates me
He gives me that look
The same look I’d wear
If I catch an alien waiting for a bus
Or a dodo playing cricket
His mouth gasps open
Flabbergast, but not starstruck
Then he’d walk away
Unwilling to further explore
This magnificent creature that hides
Awkwardly during day time.

He passes through me
Transparently,
Like I’m Mr. Wind
He slides in, then breaks out in a pico second
(I must be invisible, how cool)
He doesn’t feel me
He thinks I’m a weirdo
He doesn’t like my untied shoes
“Careful”; he‘d say
And he finds it disturbing that I allow
My pen caps to mismatch.

His eyes form this gigantic circle
As he belittle my non-existent fashion statement
His lips utter these words I’m sure he’d be glad to say:
“You don’t match your socks with slippers; that’s icky.”
And he,
He shakes his head
Revealing his opinion towards my habit of
Checking my watch way too often.
(Ohh and he wears Tag Heuer
In contrast, I wear...uhmm G-Shock)

He hates me
He really really hates me
He stares from behind the wall
But refuses to come near
He makes me wonder if I have crooked teeth
Maybe he doesn’t want me to bite?
But he,
He doesn’t just stare
He gazes a devious stare,
So powerful that
His eyes might just pop out.
He’s like a vampire
Hunting after my sweet innocent blood.

I know he hates me
He must really really hate me
He socializes without fear
He’d talk to everybody in the room but me
He sits next to me but he switches to his mute mode
I’m a rhythm he doesn’t follow
Ah well,
I talk in Algebra and Theorem
Maybe that’s why.

When he talks,
I freeze
My pulse beats faster
My knees tremble
But he can’t tell that
He thinks I hate him
He thinks I really really hate him.

Cause
When he’s around,
My nervous system –
It behaves badly.
I’d set my face against him
I’d move about like a bee
Fake telephone calls
Act busy and stupid
In my attempt
Not to let this masquerade
Fall off.
No he cannot know
My fascination with him.
Me needing him is the most
Shameful fact
The world has ever heard of.