Big Ones Poem by Bridgid Patrick

If women had udders
and cows had breasts
what would be shown in The Sun?
Would it be Daisy
the feisty heifer
boasting 98-100-91?

Would it be Sharon
the Croydon belle
With udder attached to her sternum?
She'd have admiring bullocks
throughout the land
though four-teated Sharon'd spurn 'em.

Would Farmer's Monthly
become a jazz mag
top shelf stuff not for sale to the nippers?
Would Playboy become
a livestock guide
a rattling good read for sheep dippers?

This fascination
for lactiferous glands
raises questions I believe worth pursuing.
Who was the first man
to milk a cow
and what did he think he was doing?