Building Poem by Susan Lacovara

Building

Rating: 5.0


Brick by brick
You laid it on thick
Till your stone walls
Cemented the door
The plaster within
Disguising your grin
As you whispered
You loved me no more

Scant pieces of me
Littered heaping debris
All remains of the rubble and rust
Are the nails hammered deep
In the tears I did weep
And dreams dying in smoldering dust

Planned blueprints replaced
By frown lines on my face
Vacant, where mortar once lay
In vanishing ink
What's left but to think
Foundation dissolved in the clay

Thin peeling the paint
Of the 'isn't' and 'ain't'
Construction for future on hold
No trespassing sign is all now to find
No further cement in the mold

Saturday, March 22, 2014
Topic(s) of this poem: relationships
POET'S NOTES ABOUT THE POEM
(03/22/14) Best recommendation.... build on another site
COMMENTS OF THE POEM
Daniel Brick 13 May 2014

You draw from your metaphor of an abandoned building project a painfully thorough experience of love lost. And the reason is given with devastating blandness in the opening stanza: : AS YOU WHISPERED / YOU LOVED ME NO MORE. The whole poem is a steady, relentless stoppage of building something - a relationship - and the detritus of feelings piles up all over the site. It's painful to witness but must be confronted. WHAT'S LEFT TO THINK / FOUNDATION DISSOLVED IN CLAY. It's a desolate end but it's also honest, a first step toward recovery. I don't feel this is a despairing poem. The very completeness of the collapse of their romance is a way forward. It's sounds strange to put it that way, but that's the paradox when one, only ONE, person falls out of love.

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Hap Rochelle 23 March 2014

I love your poetry. Wish I could do more than just micropoetry, but I don't have the patience! Well done!

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Jemima Rivas 23 March 2014

Wow beautiful beautiful write... if this isn't a talent then what is? marvelous imagery it comes alive it was enjoyed by me keep writing keep writing :)

0 0 Reply
David Lessard 22 March 2014

Wow. Good one. Keep building!

0 0 Reply
Sandra Feldman 22 March 2014

A very sad construction site, but SO WELL BUILT.! Bravo!

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