But Why? Poem by Jessica Elizondo

I guess I always new the world was screwed up, but in the past I just brushed it off and I was fine the next time. But Why does it now hit me so much harder? I'm seeing things my indepth then I ever did before. 'I've seen love die way too many times when it deserved to be alive' - quoted from Paramore- but its true I have. And for some reason it brings me pain, it wasnt my love, why does it bring me pain? I've seen so many strong people fall almost too their deaths, and they just don't want to get back up anymore, But why? People take their pain and convert it into anger, for example my parents And I fight constantly but some of that is my fault, because I have so much pain. We used to be so close but sometimes it feels we're just living in the same place and thats it. It breaks my heart, but why? My best friend, who I look up too, is falling to peices and can't make up her mind. It's like she doesn't want to get back up any more. She loves him that much. But others interfer at the wrong times and she has to straighten things out in her head, but why? I tell people I'm fine when they ask me how I am because I don't want them to share my pain, but why? I try to be strong but when peope say that they know how I feel I silently say in my mind, 'How could you? You are not me, ' but why? I tred water just to stay alive, but my pain drags me down, but why? I find myself fearing happiness, because I'm afraid of being hurt, but why? I don't like the way I look, because society tells my that I'm ugly and I have to, but why? I find myself jealous of my friends because I think they have better lives and images then I do, but why? I sometimes wish I was as invisable as the world makes me feel, but why? I wish I was a little kid again, because skined knees heal faster than broken hearts, but why? I love to sit in the rain because no one knows I'm crying, but why? I want to make a huge difference in the world but I can't seem to do anything, But why? I want to be happy, and especaily positive, but I seem to be addicted to drama and pain like they're drugs, but why? I find myself screaming when no ones around, but why? I try to be strong, but slowly fade away, but why? And as my cold tears run down my cheek from my blood shot eyes, and hit my keyboard, I ask................but why? ..........Why Lord, must the world be a cruel place?