Here's You, My Dear Departed Father Poem by Gayathri Seetharam

Here's you, my dear departed father
-Gayathri B. Seetharam
Last night, my grieving husband informed me that my mother-in-law
Had died after a 4 year battle with an Alzheimer's like dementia
I was sad but mourned the fact that a lady who revelled in reading the daily newspaper
Could not do so for the past 4-5 years
And that was a tragedy in itself
She did not recognise her own grandson or her son
But we must all shed tears in our own way;

My son who saw her dead body on the computer or cellphone
Became, as I learnt, very affected by it all
And this was a catalyst for my hidden memories to come to the front
I lost my father in my 6th grade in a horrible accident on his work site
For he was the chief engineer of 3 simultaneous civil engineering projects
You know, his dead body was brought home
And he had a smile on his face
As if he had remember all the four of us in his last moment;

This made me weep and I must say a prayer for my mother-in-law
For her soul to find peace and happiness
But remember my daddy for what he was
And what he was not to me because of his absence;

He had asked me to do better in mathematics
And I had that particular test after an average performance in the previous one
He never did see it
I was his favourite for I am the youngest of three children
And he got me my first Enid Blyton and Agatha Christie books and my first library card
He indulged all the three of us, partially because he spent a precious 3-5 days with us every month;

Here's to you, dear Daddy,
For you did not know that I shone in academics
And you were not there to see how well I did in graduate school
Or enjoy my first paycheque or my fellowships;

You never did see my husband or son
Or my new born baby
And it strikes me that you are never there
When I feel like making a comment or having an intelligent conversation
About my successful projects;

One day, I would like you to say
What nobody has and that is that my husband is a difficult man to live with
Although a loving and caring man and a good father to my son
You who rarely lost his temper
And was a good natured man with a passion for your field of work
Would have understood what I, at times, feel for I am not an acknowledged success in my chosen area yet;

I want to reach out to you
And hug you, dear Daddy,
And say something that would spark a piece of memory in you
About the good times we had, we all had and if you are listening to me,
For I know that you must be (God is not so cruel)
I love you and miss you.