Melissa Patty

Gold Star - 6,810 Points (Belfast)

I'M Lost - Poem by Melissa Patty

I'm cold and lost in the dark
I'm in a big open park
As I walk I wonder of where to go
This is a place I don't know
There's no one around
Not even a single sound
A tear hit my eye
When I looked up to the starry star
Which way? ⬅left OR right➡
The street lamp gave me some light
So I went right and struggled through my tears
I was scared of conkering my fears
No street signs to find my way
I don't know what I can do or say
Meanwhile I headed down a long path across that carried on
It was a very narrow road that seemed deserted, everything and everyone was gone
I saw a street sign saying where my street is
My tummy was filled with butterflies as it started to fizz
My hands were cold like ice
I asked someone and they told me directions and I thought to myself that was really nice
I ran so fast
At last
I happy that I could just breathe
Never going to leave
I was lost for a long time in the dark
Being lost made me so clueless with a big question mark...?
For now I know I want to keep safe and I'll remember that day I said I'm lost
Because you don't know what's coming around the bend when your life has so much cost.

Melissa Patty

Topic(s) of this poem: lost

Form: Ballad


Comments about I'M Lost by Melissa Patty

  • Lyn Paul (8/13/2016 10:59:00 PM)

    Being lost can give you the will to find who you are and exactly what you want in life.
    Every experience no matter how hurtful hopefully gives us strength to bring clarity into our lives.
    (Report)Reply

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  • Fabrizio Frosini (8/2/2015 7:50:00 AM)

    adding some words after Jack Black's and Daniel Brick's comment has no useful point.. so I stop here with a.. Thanks for sharing.. ;) (Report)Reply

    Melissa Patty(8/2/2015 8:07:00 AM)

    Thankyou ☺

    1 person liked.
    0 person did not like.
  • Daniel Brick (7/25/2015 11:40:00 AM)

    Your poem shows the strength as well as confusion of the speaker - she may be lost but she hasn't despaired and she won't give up. She's already taking charge of her own rescue. There's a dizzying quality to your description of running toward whatever feels familiar like the street sign, but it's better to keep moving rather than giving up. And that's what the speaker does - keeps moving until she finds herself! There's a lesson in that for all of us. By the way, I read Jak Black's comment - he gave you sound advice about tightening the poem - a generous reader. (Report)Reply

    Melissa Patty(7/25/2015 3:42:00 PM)

    Awk I'm happy that you felt the emotion in this poem.This is what I wanted this poem to be about,
    Is the mystery and adventure of being lost but also I wanted to capture the emotion you would feel in
    That type of situation. That is a true point! Yes I so agree, I thank him so much for giving his kind advice
    To me.Thankyou for commenting on my poems, its nice to get commended for what you are writing about!

    1 person liked.
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  • (7/14/2015 2:40:00 PM)

    The subject matter is good, the rhyming is great, you're losing the rhythm again by putting too many words into some of the lines. Try to use the same number of syllables in each line, or each pair of lines, Melissa.

    I'm cold, I'm lost, I'm in the dark.
    All alone in the open park.
    I walk, I wonder, where to go
    For this is a place I do not know.
    There isn't anyone around,
    Not a soul, not a sound.
    I look up to the starry sky,
    And feel the teardrops in my eye.

    You can add or take words away and still get the message across. Hope you're not offended by this comment.
    (Report)Reply

    Melissa Patty(7/14/2015 5:02:00 PM)

    No no I'm not offended. Its better learning from mistakes and improving them so your giving me constructive criticism. So i thank you dor helping me improve.

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Poem Submitted: Monday, July 13, 2015



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