Wednesday, March 28, 2012
No Reason Anymore
My eyes never fill with tears as if the tear dots in my eyes were burnt and sealed up. My life gets more sad everyday, I feel I can not stay were I wish to be, The pill bottle sits next to my bed and I dream of taking them all to escape my sadness.
My eyes burn but never seem to water I ask for help but my eyes burn hotter, One tear is all I ask for but it will never come, My emotions are scarred and all I can feel is sadness which turns to anger, I can't stand this unbearable place as my tears never escape.
Life drags on and I feel no pain, Only sadness that runs in my veins I hate myself for the things I have done, People grow farther and farther away from me as they lie to me to avoid coming to close, I feel more hate and can't stand my mental state, I am not crazy but to me it feels safe to say, There is no reason anymore no reason to carry on.
I feel like emptying my bottle and staying asleep, Death seems to inviting and I want to take the chance as if he was a friend to me, My brain never stops and bad things keep happening I can not change in time to feel safe from my thoughts, I feel alone in A world misled by anger and violence, Angry music has got me running from my real self, And I want to look back but I have nothing to look back to only the things that are bad.
Am I to blame I feel I can not blame anything but me, I judge but I can only judge me, The noose around my brain is loose but every day it seems to get tighter until my body feels on the edge and I get lighter, One push and I will fall to my death, Death which is so more welcome then the life I was giving, The people around me are getting farther and I can not reach out to them because I am not the same.
My mouth is dry and my tears are dead like my feelings I feel, What is death like I want to know, It seems it can't get worse then this life I live, This is not me but it feels the way it should be, Push me away like everyone seems to already do, I can't afford this life giving to me take it back or at least let me breath, The air gets thicker and I am swallowing it like I have swallowed my emotions.
They burn me to A crisp and I feel there is no reason anymore, I have to try and carry on but my life seems on the brink of existence, I keep my feelings to myself and it just makes me even more fake like every thing I have done has only been fake.