Memories Poems: 185 / 500

Slowly Slowly....

Rating: 5.0

Slowly slowly
Life is going
Time is passing
Days are leaving
Nights are passing
Moments are passing
Memories are staining
Everything going
Everyone is betraying
I am losing myself
I became alone
The poison is working
My dearer will forget me
No one will come on my dark grave
And I will be disappeared fully
Nothing remains for always nd get changed always
But I will come in ur memories
I will come like a blossom in the air…..

Tuesday, December 1, 2015
Memories Poems: 185 / 500
Topic(s) of this poem: life
Roseann Shawiak 01 February 2016

Very good ideas, presented well. Repetition of the word, slowly bogs down the essence of the poem, possibly you can consolidate everything else, i.e. Life and time are passing, days and nights are filled with moments that seem to last forever, never moving forward.... Maybe something like that to give your poem more substance and less distraction. Instead of using the word slowly, substitute other words meaning slowly. Otherwise your thoughts and ideas themselves are really great! Thank you for sharing. RoseAnn

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Abhilasha Bhatt 16 February 2016

Slowly slowly is its title that's why I used it repeatedly.....thank you for commenting... :)

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Valsa George 16 February 2016

We live and die slowly, pass into oblivion slowly, but re-emerge in others' memory slowly like a blossom! Though we complain that time flies, everything happens slowly! If you could avoid repetition, the poem would have greater effect! Unfortunately, I don't know Hindi to enjoy your Hindi poems in which you would be a master!

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Abhilasha Bhatt 16 February 2016

The title of the poem is slowly slowly......that's why I used slowly repeatedly......nd its sad being an indian you don't know our national language.....anyway...thank you for giving your precious time to my poem and for commenting :)

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Mithilesh Yadav 23 December 2016

Nice poem.. Thanks for sharing

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Akhtar Jawad 25 November 2016

The poem is a sigh on life gradually travelling to death and it touches the hearts.

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Souren Mondal 02 March 2016

You know Abhilasha, there are too many things wrong with this poem, so I would not go deep into it, instead I will leave you with this - ' Life, Time , Days and Nights are passing ever so slowly Moments are passing like a tortoise Memories are stainining, A few of them are remaining People, Friends, foes, family I am losing everyone I stand here, with a snake of lonliness Poisoning my veins like arsenic, slow, painful My dear ones will forget me No one will come on my dark grave with a flower And my name will be erased Nothing remains forever Doesn't matter how gradual, Change is inevitable... And yet, when all will be gone I will come in your memories In you dreams I will like leaving a fragnance behind like a rose does when it falls from the tree' Give it a read, and then read your initial writing.. I am sure you will get it.. Like Valsa ma'am, and Roseann said, I too feel similarly about the poem.. Just give the 'edited' version a read: -)

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Souren Mondal 02 March 2016

*in your dreams I will WALK not 'like'... Sorry: -(

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Edward Kofi Louis 25 February 2016

Blossom! With lessons and memories. Nice piece of work.

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M Asim Nehal 17 February 2016

But we are liking your poems not slowly slowly but at brisk pace...Fastly Fastly.................Awesome...10+++

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